He'll Heal

Yet another medication ...

2010-08-30T11:59:00.003-06:00

Valeen and I are headed up to Denver in a few minutes for my first infusion of yet another medication that I'm hoping will work.

This one is administered via IV; it should take about 2.5 hours.

More details to come, but please pray that this one works — like for reals works.

I'll be back here later to let you know.

Yet another doc [[follow up]].

2010-04-29T14:35:00.002-06:00

The appointment went well yesterday. We really liked the new doc and felt comfortable with him. Afterwards I felt really encouraged and hopeful ... this morning I was tremendously discouraged.

The doc prescribed a new injectable medication called Enbrel to replace the one I'm now taking (Humira). He said he likes it a lot better than Humira. He said he's seen better results. I'll have to inject myself once a week (I'll continue taking MTX as well). He had some samples, so he gave me two pre-filled syringes. Yesterday was my injection day, so I took one last night. He sounded pretty confident that it would work.

I asked him how long it usually took if it worked, and he said most people feel results the same day. So I went to bed really excited about the possibility of waking up feeling so much better, but this morning I woke up just as in pain as ever. Could barely walk.

That was really tough.

Maybe I'm overreacting. Maybe it'll still work, but this is so discouraging. I dreamt all night about waking up and not having pain ... and then I woke up.

I was (am) having a really tough day; I'm not dealing with all this very well. My pastor, Danny, unexpectedly stopped by the office and said he wanted to pray for me this morning. I'm not sure how/if he knew I needed that today, but that was a blessing.

Thank you for caring and walking beside me in this journey. It's tougher and longer than I'd like and than I expected. Because of the fact that people have their own lives to worry about, my plight has (seemingly and understandably) fallen off most folks' radars. Thank you for continuing with me. It means a ton.

Yet another doc.

2010-04-28T09:18:00.002-06:00

I failed to mention yesterday that I have a doctor's appointment today. This is significant because I haven't seen any doctor since our trip to Reno last year.

Since that trip I've been corresponding with Dr. Fong in Reno by phone and email. It has become a difficult relationship to maintain though. At Dr. Fong's suggestion Valeen and I began looking for a Rheumatologist to see. Dr. Fong is a great guy and very knowledgeable in his particular field of medicine, but rheumatology is not his field of specialty.

So, we're going to see a new doc in Denver today. Please pray with me that with new professional eyes on the situation will come a new treatment plan—one that will show results. Right now I just need results.

Despite it all, God is good.

2010-04-27T12:25:00.006-06:00

One year ago today I started treatments at the clinic in Reno, Nevada.

You know how with most things in you life you can look back on experiences later and truthfully say, "It's hard to believe it's been a whole year!"? Well I can't do that. Not truthfully anyway. This has been the longest year of my life. Literally every single day has been a painful challenge to navigate. I'm not complaining. Just reporting. [[By the way, no complaining ≠ no pain.]]

Many times in life I wish that God would give me the whole picture. I wish He would give me a bigger perspective and show me the future. If, one year ago, God had let me know that I'd be in this much pain still today, I don't think I would have been able to handle that. Emotionally. Mentally. Physically.

Sometimes I guess it's good that God only lets us see so much.

Looking forward, I don't think I could last another year like this. There's so much that I want to do. There's so much that I feel God has placed in my heart that I'm not able to do in this condition. But focusing on what I can't do does me no good. I'm learning to focus on what I can still do. Last year I didn't think I could take the pain one more day so I went to Reno. Apparently, I could take the pain a whole year 'cause here I am. Still in it.

My guess is, that even though I'm pretty sure I can't do this again for another whole year, come April 27, 2011 if I'm still in pain, I'll still be here. Still doing what I can do. And if this past year is any indication, I'll be a heck of a lot closer to God than I am right now. And who can complain about that?

Oh, and either way, on April 27, 2011 I'll have an almost one-year-old little girl. That's insane. Despite it all, God is good.

Starting to work?

2010-02-22T15:14:00.003-07:00

I took my first dose of Methotrexate (MTX) on Tuesday, February 16. I took my first dose of Humira on Wednesday, February 17. They're both weekly medications at this point, so I'll do the same thing this week.

I think I felt a little better this week. Not a ton better, but a little better. Obviously, that's not drastic improvement—or else I'd know for sure—but it's better than nothing. Any improvement is good.

Please pray with me that the improvement this week will be more significant, specifically that it'll be enough that I feel comfortable beginning to begin tapering off of the Prednisone.

Here we go again.

2010-02-11T20:28:00.002-07:00

If you're still here then you still obviously care, and I thank you. Your love and support is more than I could ask for. I am blessed.

This has to all be a very confusing mess for those of you out there reading these sporadic updates and trying to follow along. It's confusing enough for me. Let me give you the 23 second full synopsis, and then conclude with the details on the most recent developments:

• I have RA
• I used to take drugs to control it (Methotrexate [MTX] & Humira)
• The drugs worked
• The potential side effects of the drugs scared me
• I quit taking the drugs
• The RA began kicking my pants
• I tried everything I could find or think of (within reason) besides drugs
• I went to a specialty clinic in Reno for 6 weeks
• It didn't seem to have lasting positive effects
• I came home and I kept trying stuff
• I went back to Reno for 2 more weeks
• Still not improvement
• I started taking steroids which worked but caused wicked side effects
• I backed off the steroids almost down to nothing
• I remained in really bad shape
• I started on Humira again for 6 weeks
• Nothing happened
• I've had to increase the steroids again just to function
• I just talked with the doc again this week and decided on the next step ...

Are you ready for this? Drumroll please .... the next big step in this insane plan is ... Humira and MTX. Yup. You heard me. Back to the exact same two drugs that I was originally on in the first place before I started all this mess a couple years ago.

There is some reasoning here—I'll get to that in a minute—but let's just dwell on the irony for second. There is this funny bit in one of Jerry Seinfeld's stand up routines where he's talking about horse racing from the horse's perspective, and the horse, after having run his butt off as fast as possible all the way around the track, stops, panting, looks around, and says exasperatedly something along the lines of, "Here!? We were just here! That was the longest possible route we could have taken!" Hmmmm ... it's funnier when Jerry does it ... Anyway, I feel kind of like that. It's ironic that if I could turn back the clock to sometime around October 2007, I'd find myself happily bumbling along in life taking Humira and MTX for my arthritis and feeling fine. And here I am in February 2010 beat up and broken down and exhausted and discouraged and confused and panting and exasperated looking at the "new" protocol for treating my arthritis ... which is Humira and MTX. There's a lot more to the story, I know, but honestly, it kinda feels like this was the longest possible route we could've taken.

Okay, so with that said, the deal is this: The Humira obviously isn't working on its own. I've had no improvement. All of the medical literature out there supports the notion that Humira's efficacy is greatly increased when taken in combination with MTX. It used to work for me, but that was when I was taking them together. So, it would seem that maybe the reason the Humira isn't working for me this time around is because I've left out the MTX. Maybe. I guess we're about to find out.

There's a little more to the story than that, but basically, that's it. I'm back to trying what worked for me before because nothing else that I've tried has been effective. There is a part of me that is very worried that this isn't going to work either (it's a pattern that I've grown accustomed to over the past 13 months), but I'm still hopeful. In fact, I feel very antsy and full of anticipation. I'm SO ready to feel better that I can't even explain it.

I can't wait to feel 'normal' (if there is such a thing). I can't wait to NOT hurt. I'm SO done with this battle right now. I woke up from a dream a couple weeks ago and was unexpectedly really upset after realizing that I was running in my dream, and that was something I hadn't done in almost a year in real life. I hate running ... or at least I used to while I was taking everything for granted, but not anymore. I can't wait to run. I can't wait to go work out. I can't wait to ride my bike. I can't wait to pick up our daughter when she arrives in a few months and not hurt. That's the goal right now. There have been other goals along the way. There have been other sacrifices, but right now the goal is to stop hurting.

So, the meds should arrive sometime next week I'd guess. I don't know how long it'll take for them to start working, but I'll keep you posted. Please pray with me that God uses these to give me some relief for a while. It's not what I set out for originally, but I just need a break.

Still not working.

2010-01-25T15:18:00.002-07:00

The Humira never worked. I took all 6 injections. The doc told me that we're gonna have to try something else, and increased my level of steroids in the meantime.

I'm not sure what the "something else" is, but my guess is Remicade or Enbrel. I don't know why either of those would work if the Humira didn't, but I need something to work. My ankles have been killing me for over a month straight. I can barely walk 50% of the time and I've got to get off these steroids.

The last last resort that I can think of is to go back on the methotrexate again ... but I guess we haven't gotten there yet. The doc has confirmed how toxic the stuff is, and I guess we're trying everything else first.

I'll let you know ...

This is getting unnerving ...

2010-01-06T13:05:00.003-07:00

Are you still reading this? Wow. You're awesome.

I told you on November 30 that I was going back on the Humira in an attempt to gain control over all the inflammation in my body. Well, I injected myself with the first dose on December 4. The general dosage is an injection every other week, but after discussing things with the doc in Reno, we decided to do a dose every week until I started seeing some relief.

That was 5 weeks and 5 injections ago.

I'm still hurting. Very badly. I don't think the Humira has helped at all, at least not that I could notice (and that's the point, right?). You may or may not remember that I started taking Prednisone (steroids) in mid-August 2009 in an attempt to feel better for my smart sister's wedding. The intent was to taper off of the stuff afterwards. Well I did end up tapering down to 10mg/day by the end of October (1/6 of what I was doing initially), but I haven't been able to decrease below that (and still remaining functional).

Even with the Prednisone, I've been having enough pain and swelling that I've had to supplement that with Celebrex daily. So, in summary, I set out to be drug-free, and now I'm taking 3 different drugs (although the Humira is admittedly having no effect).

This is really scaring me, to be honest, because going back on the Humira as a "last resort if nothing else works" has always been the fall back plan. And now it's not working. This is from the documentation for Humira according to the drug's website:

Some RA patients see results as soon as 2 weeks. Full effect may take up to 3 months.

So now I'm waiting and praying and hurting and wondering. I'm anxious (to say the least). I have no idea what else to do.

The Vent is Open

2009-11-30T21:09:00.003-07:00

PREFACE/DISCLAIMER/THOUGHT YOU SHOULD KNOW UP FRONT/THING:
Sometimes it's really hard to share your true thoughts and feelings about things as personal as your current understanding of this part of theology, or what you think the Bible says about X or Y, because there's always someone or someones (usually well-meaning) who want to comment and give their take and show you where maybe you've "missed the boat" or somehow misunderstood something, or just "gently correct" you. That was a really long sentence, but this is one of those times. Our relationships with God are a journey. We are always learning and discovering and falling on our faces and getting back up and being convicted about this or that and understanding things differently and going through things that change our whole perspective ... Agh, I'm rambling and not being clear. What I'm trying to say is this: None of us have this whole thing figured out. And the minute we try to act like we do, we've done ourselves and others a disservice.

I am NOT a fan of wishy-washy relativism. I don't think that "everybody's individual truth for them" is okay. I'm not advocating that everyone needs to find what works for them, or what they believe in their own heart. I believe in real Truth. Unchanging Truth. Truth set forth by an unchanging God. It really matters little what each individual believes—if it's wrong. It may make you feel good, it may make you "happy" but it's still wrong.

What I am saying though, is that I've finally come to the realization that I don't know jack squat, and I'm on a journey of discovery in my relationship with God — hopefully somehow getting closer to that Truth every day.

The point of this obnoxiously long preface thingy is to just acknowledge that I'm still working on all this stuff (that I'm about to share with you). So please bear with me and allow me to vent my admittedly non-cohesive thoughts on some matters as they stand right now in my brain and heart, but be aware that they are ever-changing as I continue to learn through this process. Oh, and try not to be offended, please (I'm assuming I might type something offensive to someone), but maybe not. Who knows? Here goes.

(Man, I FAIL at brevity — every time.)

—————————

Can I be honest with you for a second (as if I haven't been this whole time)? Thanks. What the HECK is God doing? I have no freakin' idea, and and it's really upsetting me. This journey—physically, emotionally, spiritually—has been insane.

After I quit taking the drugs for my RA (something my wife and I agreed we thought was prompted by God), I watched my body literally fall apart in a matter of a couple months. I lost almost 40 pounds and all my muscle mass. I was in pain every single day. Tons of pain. More pain than I could imagine. Oh man, have I ever been through the ringer physically. But you know that. I've talked about that.

Let me tell you: 2009 has been a ride, spiritually, and right now, I just gotta be honest, I'm not so sure what the heck God's been doing. In some senses I feel like I'm so much more confused than I was this time one year ago. Other times, I've felt like I've taken leaps and bounds forward toward God. Let me just get some of this up on the screen...

I've learned a ton about what the Bible says about healing this year. It's pretty clear. I've had people who I love and respect confirm that the Bible pretty much straight up says that God's will is for restoration—that's exactly what Jesus came for—and that includes physically. Now don't freak out on me here. Like I said, I've found that the Bible is pretty stinkin' clear. God's not in the business of His children suffering. That's the Devil's business. Satan's here to kill steal and destroy, and Jesus came to defeat Satan. The Bible says in James 5, to "do this ... blah blah blah ... and you will be healed." It doesn't say that you "might" or "maybe God will think about healing you," it says that "you will."

And the Bible is also very clear in saying (multiple times) that if we ask God for anything in faith, according to His will, then He'll give it to us. Again, not maybe. It's ours. The Holy Spirit didn't mince words when he inspired those writers. I've been struggling and really wanting to fall into the trap of hanging out on that last part — according to His will — and using it as an excuse. "Well, I can't speak for God. I don't know His will. I guess if He doesn't heal me then I wasn't asking according to His will." I'm sorry, but that's bologna. At least in this case, we DO know God's will. He's revealed it to us by His very nature (Love) and by his Word, and if that wasn't enough, He sent his son to earth to demonstrate in an undeniable fashion what His will for us is. And in the case of physical ailments and disease, God's will is to heal. To restore. To redeem. Jesus did it every single time.

Trust me (or don't), but I've done A TON of study on this over the course of the last year, and it became very clear once I started looking and asking (I'll spare you all my 'proof' [see preface above]). God doesn't want me sick. This is not part of His design. When I ask for healing, I am asking according to the will of God. So what's the freakin' deal?

Over the past several months I have been prayed over numerous times. I have asked God for healing myself countless times. I've called the elders like it says in James 5 and had my head anointed with oil ... multiple times. We've gotten together in our home with friends and prayed and gone to others' homes and prayed. I've gone to healing ministries at churches and I've had people whose whole ministry is healing pray over me. People literally all over the country have told me that they've been praying for me. There has been no shortage of asking God for healing according to His will. And yet ...

And let me tell you another thing that I discovered through my studies in the Word this year. There is a major connection between healing and faith. I don't understand it. I don't get how it works, but it's there. In almost every instance of divine healing in the Bible, faith is mentioned. And in many cases, Jesus straight up says that it's because of your faith (or the faith of your friends) that you are healed. He couldn't be any clearer. Maybe I'm lacking faith, I don't know. It goes and comes. But I'll just tell you right now that there have been times along this journey that I have fully expected that God is going to do exactly what I'm asking Him to in faith—without any doubt. And, there have been many times that I've doubted. I'm all over the spectrum.

So, again, what's the deal? I believe that the Bible is Truth. I believe that what is written in there is Truth. We misinterpret things for our convenience all the time, but I've found over the past few months that much of what the Bible says is pretty darn clear if we don't intentionally muck it up. But this obviously brings me to the whole problem:

What the heck are we left with when what we believe (based on what the Bible says) is not substantiated by the evidence and experience of our lives and circumstances?

This is my dilemma. This is what has me so messed up. I don't know what to do with it, and I don't know what the freakin' deal is. But before I end this post and you think I'm having a crisis of faith, let me just reassure you with these few things (as concisely as I'm able):

• I don't know what the heck is going on
• But God does
• He is still sovereign no matter what I understand or don't
• Faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you do not see, so maybe I'm in a pretty darn good spot to demonstrate some faith—'cause I see nothing
• God's not done with me yet
• My story has an ending that's yet to be written
• My faith in God still has nothing to do with my physical condition

—————————

Now that I got all that off my chest, here's the update with what's going on with me:

Nothing has worked. Every single thing that I've tried over the past 11 months has resulted in lots of pain and no improvement. I'm so tired of being in pain. I'm so tired of being so weak. I'm so tired of not being able to live normally and do the things I want to to.

In light of all that, the doctor in Reno has prescribed for me Humira. What's the big deal about that? Well Humira is one of the two dugs that I was on that I stopped taking in the first place 11 months ago. So, I'm back to where I was—back to where I didn't want to be again—taking the drugs.

So now what? Do I feel disappointed? Oh yeah. Sad? Big time. Angry? A little, sort of. Relieved to have something that I think will probably give me relief? Definitely.

I don't know what to think. My emotions are all over the place. I don't know what the heck God is doing through all of this (see above), and I don't know what the future looks like. What I do know is that I simply can't take the pain anymore, and I'm dying to regain some strength and feel 'normal' again. Oh, and for those of you who don't already know, I'm super-anxious to be able to perform the duties required of a father/husband starting May 2010! :) I'm not willing to not be up to that task.

On some levels I feel like a failure. It's true. I do. I'm not generally a quitter. I'm not accustomed to not succeeding in what I set out to do. In this case though, it's just plain not working. Nothing I've tried has worked, and God as chosen not to step in miraculously so far. So I'm faced with a decision that I hate to make and that I'm relieved to make at the same time. It's very strange.

So as soon as the Humira gets here in the mail, I'm gonna take it. And I'm gonna pray that it brings relief. And then ... I have no idea.

Doing battle.

2009-11-01T20:31:00.001-07:00

Thanks for being the real deal. You all make God smile. Please pray for me this week if you think of it.

Here's a crazy story.

2009-10-07T21:41:00.002-06:00

Oh man. There's so much to say. Every time I think about trying to sum it all up I get overwhelmed and then I just write nothing. It's a brilliant plan really.

Ok so when we last talked (or I last wrote and you last read), it was shortly after my smart sister's wedding, and I was feeling great due to the 60mg of Prednisone I was taking daily. That was August 19th. The doc told me to stay on the steroids through the end of August, and then start tapering off after that. At the time, I had no idea how long he meant when he said "taper off."

It turns out that I had to taper off the steroids incredibly slowly ... like ... as I write this eight weeks later, I'm still not completely off the prednisone. Steroids are the real deal, people. Hardcore drugs. They do things to you. Nasty things. Things that I didn't like in the least. And you can't quit 'em cold turkey either. Well you could, but it'll mess you all up.

Wait, let me back up and fill you in on the last eight weeks for a sec. I kept taking the Prednisone at 60mg/day through the end of August. Before the month was out I was definitely starting to gain weight back. Most of that was due to the fact that the stuff was giving me the most incredibly insatiable, gigantic appetite you have ever heard of. It was insane. I was eating everything in sight and still feeling hungry. It got very bothersome very quickly. Honestly, I'd eat so much that I'd get that bulbous, completely full, rock hard, unbutton your pants, right-after-Thanksgiving-dinner, ridiculously uncomfortable belly going on, and I'd still feel hungry. Not cool. Oh, and I wasn't sleeping either. I was up peeing during the night like 5 or 6 times. And in between I barely slept. So annoying.

Side effect #3 was/is the puffy face. Some people cal it moon face (I think the technical term is Cushingoid facies). A cursory search on the internet will reveal this common side effect of steroid consumption very quickly. This happened to me before when I took Prednisone for a short period of time, and it definitely happened this time too. Basically, as the name would suggest, my face got all puffy. It sucks. And it hasn't gone away yet. It may have gotten a little better, but it's still here and I still dislike it.

The last major side effect of the Prednisone, and the most alarming/nasty/annoying etc., was the acne. Crazy acne. No, people, you don't understand. This was insanity. It started on my forearms. Tons of zits. And more and more appearing every hour. They covered my arms ... so much that people thought it was a rash. And then they covered my chest ... and my thighs and my calves and my neck ... It. Was. Sick. Fortunately although my face did sprout like a 14 year-old's before homecoming, it never got too bad on that puffy part of me. I covered the rest of me up with clothing for the most part.

Anyway, I was a sleep-deprived, constantly-peeing, continually-eating, weight-gaining, puffy-faced, pimply mess. But the inflammation was mostly gone. Whooptie doo.

That there is how I spent pretty much all of September. I began the taper on September 1, and planned on being off by October 1. As I slowly decreased my steroid intake, thankfully some of the side effects started to diminish. I no longer have the crazy appetite (I've gained 16 pounds in the last month), the acne is slowly retreating, I'm sleeping again, and my face is a little less Cushingoid.

The bad news is that in the last week and a half, the inflammation has started to return. It seems to be getting a little worse every day. When I told the doc, he recommended that we slow the taper even more, and that is why I'm still not off the Prednisone completely. My wrists are already pretty bad, as are my hands (not fun at all especially considering the fact that my wife got me bass lessons for my birthday a couple weeks ago, and I'm now having trouble playing). Just in the last couple days my shoulders and back and elbows have decided to get back on the painwagon some too.

So, I think that about catches you up to today. The thing that I've neglected to mention here is the work that God has been doing in me Spiritually through all of this. That has been a crazy ride in and of itself. I'm gonna have to save that for a post of it's own though, 'cause this one's already long and I've got to go to bed. Let me just say that I'm not done questioning, I'm not done asking, and I'm not done believing. Please continue to pray with/for me when you think of it.

I'm still alive.

2009-10-07T14:55:00.003-06:00

I'm not dead ... Stay tuned for an update.*

*Sometime soon.

Man, I feel GREAT this morning!

2009-08-19T09:14:00.003-06:00

**There's tons to tell, and the story is much more complicated than simply "I feel GREAT," but that happens to be true right now, and I figured most of you who read this would be happy to hear that. I'm very happy to share it. If you're interested in more details, I'll do my best to fill you in below. If not, just thank God with me for some relief in whatever form!**

So ... I was taking the Levaquin (antibiotic), some probiotics, and the Celebrex (for inflammation and pain). I think that's where I last left you. The Celebrex wasn't working. I mean, it took the edge off a little bit, but I was still in tons of pain. Every day still sucked. Last week, we called the doc and told him that my smart sister's wedding was coming up the following weekend, and I needed something that would make me feel better for the festivities. He prescribed Vicoprofen, which is a combination of Hydrocodone and Ibuprofen (basically Vicodin's less popular cousin). Hydrocodone is a narcotic pain reliever, and obviously the Ibuprofen is for inflammation. Well, it didn't work either. It barely touched the pain. And it made me feel all woozy and high.

Once my brief fling with narcotics was over (6 hours later), we again called the doc and told him that life still sucked and I needed something else. I was determined to break the inflammation cycle that had been perpetually spinning for the last 7 months, and feel decent for the marriage bash. This time the doc pulled out all the stops and just went straight for the big guns: Steroids.

Prednisone: It's not good for you, people. Don't do drugs. But man, it works on inflammation. Thank God it works on inflammation. I started taking it last Wednesday night (four days before the Sunday wedding). It took a couple days to build up in my body, but it did the trick! Slowly but surely the inflammation started taking a hike. I felt pretty darn good on Sunday for the wedding (especially considering where I'd been for the previous months), and by today (Wednesday one week later), I'm feeling what I would call 'great' for the first time since ... well I don't have any idea when. Maybe ... July 2008? Somewhere around there.

It's not all gone—the pain and inflammation—there's definitely still stuff going on, but I don't really care right now. I drove myself to work rocking out to Jason Mraz, I can walk a normal speed, I can go up and down stairs, I can make two fists and raise my arms, I can pick up a carton of milk, I BBQd last night, I threw the ball for the dogs this morning, I picked up my oine year old nephew at the wedding, I finally could help my wife with house stuff like dishes and making the bed, I can dress and undress myself, I can dry myself off after the shower ... etc etc.

Life rocks when it doesn't suck. You know? Don't take it for granted, people. Please don't.

So, the question you're all wondering about I can't yet answer. I don't know what's next. But Prednisone is horrible for your body. This is NOT a long-term solution. On the advise of the doc I'm going to continue taking it through the end of the antibiotic course (basically the end of this month), and then taper it off after that. Where we go from there and how my body reacts is still a mystery. All I can tell you is that I'm happy to be out of most of the pain right now, and I'm enjoying it while I can. Time to clean out the garage this weekend (yes, that's a good thing)!

Well, I'm home.

2009-08-03T16:07:00.002-06:00

Back at work again today. Apparently the world doesn't stop while I go away for medical treatment. Go figure.

We did the drive home in two days. Stayed over in SLC (Salt Lake City for the layperson) on Friday night. Valeen suggested that we venture out and drive around 'til we find somewhere interesting to eat, so we did (despite my objections). As usual, she was right and we stumbled across this crazy downtown "fusion restaurant" called Sapa. Dudes. It was delicious. I think the stuff we got was Thai. They also served Sushi and stuff there. So good. Anyway, that was probably the highlight of the trip home.

As for me, I'm a few days into the regimen that we discussed in my last post, and so far things are going okay. I am taking the Celebrex, so I'm in less pain than I have been for the past 4-5 months. I'm not entirely sure how long it'll take to know whether or not the atibiotics are working, but I'll let you know when I know anything.

Other than that, it looks like I'm in wait-and-pray-and-see mode for a little while. Come back soon though cause I've got a pretty long stuff-to-do-once-God-heals-me list going, and I'm gonna post it up on this here blog. I'll probably even take suggestions.

Try this on for size.

2009-07-28T22:17:00.003-06:00

I haven't known what to write. All of the days here are starting to blur together; they're all the same it seems. I could give you the details of every day, but that would be repetitive and redundant. IV in the morning, push in the afternoon, reaction til it's time for bed. The push reactions have been miserable as usual, with the normal small improvements in my joint pain after each one (like I've mentioned before). I think by the time last Friday's push reaction was over, I felt about 60% better. Not bad for one week's work if it had stayed, but it didn't. I had to start over again this Monday.

The lack of sustained relief is the problem (I already mentioned this too I believe [I honestly have nothing new to say]). It seems my body is just too persistent on attacking itself. This aggressive treatment that I'm going through does well to take the symptoms down a notch daily, but they all come back. I've come to the conclusion that I can't live here in Reno and take a push every day for the rest of my life ... nor would I want to. So where does that leave us? Good question. Thanks for asking.

Here's the plan (I think I've said all this before too): The doc thinks that there's some other bacterial infection that's causing the symptoms (besides lyme which seems to be taken care of in my body). Because of that, and since the push doesn't seem to be touching this other infection, he's going to have me take a round of antibiotics when we leave here. The reason that I'm not starting them right away is that the antibiotics will render all homeopathic treatments useless. So I'll start after I leave. I think the course of antibiotics is pretty long (like 28 days) and I'll have to be taking probiotics at the same time to replenish my gut flora that is being killed off. I know, probiotics/antibiotics, seems lame. But if it works I'll be happy. How will I know if it worked? Another excellent question.

If the doc's theory is correct, then killing off this infection would be taking away the causative factor for my body's continued abuse of itself. Over time I would then start to see a decrease in my RA symptoms and begin feeling better. There are two other pieces to this puzzle too. As I take the antibiotics, I'll probably remain in a great deal of pain (if the past is any indication). I've used ibuprofen to allow myself to function in the past, but the doc now prescribed a different nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drug instead; brand name: Celebrex. Supposedly it'll help me deal with the pain and inflammation without being as harsh on my stomach as ibuprofen.

The last piece to all this (assuming it works) is to try to get my immune system to stop attacking its own joints even after the causative factor is gone. The plan of action for that is basically chicken collagen. Collagen is the substance that makes up much of the connective tissues and cartilage in the joints. It is also what is being attacked and destroyed by my body. Many researchers have found that loading (taking a ton) of collagen can reduce or eliminate the autoimmune attack against the joints. In layman's terms (as I understand it) this basically works for two reasons:

1) Because whatever you put into your body by way of your mouth goes through the gut-associated lymphoid tissue (GALT), which is more commonly called the digestive tract's immune system. The reason this is important is because if the GALT recognizes collagen as food, then it automatically programs the body not to attack it as foreign. By switching off the "attack all collagen" message that my immune cells already carry, the plan is to get the attack on my own joints to stop too.

2) The other reason is a little simpler. Basically, if you overwhelm the system with a ton of whatever it's attacking, then you can get it to stop. Hmmm ... now that I write that it doesn't to make a whole lot of sense. But, that's what the doc told me, so there you go.

So in a nutshell when I leave here the plan of action looks like this:

Antibiotic to kill infection
Probiotics to replenish my supply
Celebrex for pain and inflammation
Tons of chicken collagen for the reasons above

You'll notice that this plan is not an "all natural, no medication" approach. I am very grateful to have a doctor who truly wants me to get better and is willing to use both homeopathic, natural remedies, and conventional medication when necessary. It's obvious that while his treatments have helped with my pain and did wonders to clear my blood of lyme, we still have not achieved sustained relief. Thus, the new plan.

Please pray with us that this new plan works. God has this thing all worked out, His plan is perfect. I may not like it, but His timing is perfect too. He knows what He's doing. We're praying that He's now ready to heal, and that if He doesn't do it with a miraculous snap of His heavenly fingers, then He does it through this new plan that we're trying. It's all we've got, so it's all we can do.

On a side note, in a Chipotle-deprived stupor, Valeen and I stumbled into a Qdoba for dinner this evening. I still can't get the blandness out of my mouth (and no, we can't have that crap on our diet). What a mistake.

It'd be so much easier if I did this daily.

2009-07-25T22:02:00.010-06:00

Wednesday
Wednesday was a big day. We looked at my blood on the darkfield microscope again to get an idea of the status of things. We were very pleasantly surprised to find that my blood still looked really good. My white blood cell count was within normal range indicating that it wasn't fighting a huge infection battle. My red blood cells looked healthy and strong, and only indicated minor allergic reaction going on (if the cells are pointed at one part instead of round that indicates allergy). We did find one lone spirochete, but that was way less than they expected to see. Apparently many folks' lyme infections come back, and it seems that mine hasn't. My blood has remained pretty much clear. Praise God for that! Plus, that one little dude is so dead. I've already done five pushes, and I've still got next week too. If he's got any nasty little friends, they're all goners for sure.

The doc also checked out the rest of my organs and systems in my body using the Electro Dermal Screening (I explained this machine in more detail here). Again we were stoked to find that everything in my body seems to be functioning properly except for my joints. Obviously we already knew that I'm having major issues with my joints, but this was a blessing cause it indicated that there is nothing else going on that is complicating matters. Everything else seems to be working fine.

The last thing we did on Wednesday (besides the normal IV and push) was to retest the levels of the homeopathic food allergy injections that I had been taking. The doc said that if the level taken is too high, then nothing would happen and it wouldn't help at all, but if the level was too low then the symptoms could double instead of subsiding. What we found when we retested was that the levels I had been taking were way too low. Great. So we don't know for sure, but that could have been part of the problem (these are the shots that I was giving myself three times a day). The doc said that it's probable that the reason things were so off is because when I initially had the levels tested it was after six weeks of treatment and my body was pretty out of whack. I s'pose that makes some sense. Anyway, I hope the levels are correct this time and that they actually help me.

Thursday
First off, Thursday was Valeen and I's 4th wedding anniversary. This is definitely not the way we preferred to spend our anniversary, but right now this is life, so we made the best of it. My sister and her fiancé sent us a nice bouquet of flowers, and my parents sent us a card, so we felt loved. I got my push as early as possible so that we could go out to dinner after the five(ish) hours of reaction were over. Around 8:30 we went to P.F. Changs to cash in our gift card (thanks D'Arcy!) and celebrate. It was awesome sitting out on the patio just after sunset in 80+ degrees.

Friday
Friday was a normal day of treatment. IV in the morning, and push in the afternoon. This push was really tough. I've been going up a level every single day, and the reactions have gotten successively stronger. The shakes and chills were intense despite the warm clothes, extra blankets, heating pad, hot water bottle, and microwave-corn-filled-bean-bag-heating-thingy. I felt like I was gonna chip a tooth my teeth were chattering so hard, and the freezing was accompanied by a severe headache and searing joint paint. That was a looong 40 minutes. Then came the fever. It only got up to about 102.5 this time, but for some reason I couldn't shake it. The thing just kept hanging on. I got the push at 1:30 p.m. (they do them early on Fridays), and I was still feverish and feeling crappy at 8:00. A delightful Friday evening to be sure.

Each day after my push reaction is done, my joints have felt a little better. It's awesome that the pushes are working, and the treatment is definitely doing something to get my body to respond the right way. The scary thing is how fast the pain is returning. Usually by the next morning the symptoms are beginning to return. Fortunately, that's when I'm headed back to the clinic for more treatment, but I obviously can't do this forever. Something is causing my body to return to Crazyinflamedjointsville really quickly. This is the pattern that we saw last time we were here, and the thing that has me the most worried. Please pray with us that we can somehow find a way to sustain the relief and get this thing under control for real. There's got to be a key to be found somewhere.

So ... I think that's my story for now. It looks like next week will pretty much be more of the same. Thank you for your continued prayers on my behalf.

Ahhh ... crud. I'm sorry.

2009-07-25T12:08:00.002-06:00

Update coming. Soon. I promise. I'll do it today.

Buttshots and Ice Cream

2009-07-21T22:57:00.002-06:00

I think that there's not much difference between glyoxal (read: buttshot) and Dad's homemade ice cream. Wait wait wait ... let me explain.

They are both secret family recipes that are passed down through the generations. Both have positive desired outcomes: One helps cure "incurable" diseases, while the other makes you fat and happy. Both are worthy goals I think. The only real difference is that one sucks right away but in the end makes a difference, while the other pleases right away and in the end makes you kinda tubby.

I think I'll try to steal the glyoxal recipe so when we get home Dad and I can try out a new flavor: Buttshot Ice Cream.

These are the things that go through your mind when you're in a push-induced feverish half-sleep. The chills were rough tonight. My head almost split in two while my brain stem was crushed in a vice as I shook. But after that 30 minutes was over it wasn't too bad. I only got up to 102.4* F. Guess I'll have to step it up again tomorrow. The joint pain is still here, but I think the pushes have taken the edge off a little already.

The Clinic, Take II

2009-07-21T08:39:00.004-06:00

Sunday
Sunday was a long day. As we pulled out of the garage at 3:45 a.m. I realized that not very many people see that hour of the night/morning. It was late enough that even the most hardcore partiers were undoubtely already passed out somewhere, and early enough that even the most dedicated joggers and early morning fanatics were still around an hour from rousing. We made our way out of town accompanied only by milk men, newspaper deliverers, and police officers.

Our first stop was Valeen's Grandma's house in Westminster to swap cars. We moved everything from our Jeep to Grandma's Buick. The Buick is so much more comfortable and gets much better gas mileage. Thanks Grandma (and thanks for getting up so early)! From Grandma's house we headed up I-25, cut through Fort Collins up to Laramie, WY, and then hopped on I-80 West all the way through Salt Lake City to Reno.

Valeen drove the whole way (I definitely wasn't feeling up to driving despite all the ibuprofen), and she did an awesome job. I couldn't believe how alert she stayed the whole time, to be honest. We had stayed up pretty late packing the night before, but that didn't seem to phase her. We stopped at Starbucks in the morning and she also sucked down a couple Starbucks Doubleshots along the way (thanks Diana) so I guess the caffene did the trick. I, on the other hand, napped off and on during the drive as best I could through the pain. There's nothing like severe pain to keep you from sleeping.

As we drove, we listened to a teaching series by John Bevere called Driven by Eternity (thanks Ashley and David). Two things: 1) If you haven't heard of John Bevere, find him and check his stuff out. The man is annointed by God; his messages are incredible. 2) You need to hear his teaching on (or read his book called) Driven by Eternity. What an absolutely incredible message. It has changed my thinking and perspective, and will no doubt impact my life. I can't seem to shake what I learned (nor do I want to). Christians and non-Christians alike, hear me on this: You need to know the information presented in this teaching. It is vital. Remember the last time I was in Reno and I wrote a little bit about Hell? I didn't know the half of it. Get your hands on this teaching.

We arrived in Reno at our hotel at 9:15 p.m. Colorado time, 17.5 hours after we left our garage. We're staying in an extended stay hotel that has a kitchen and living room, along with a separate bedroom and bathroom. A friend who works for the hotel chain was able to help us get a great employee rate which is allowing us to stay in such a nice place (thanks Casey).

Monday
Well, here we go again. The doc wanted me to jump right in where we left off last time I was here, so that's what we did. I had my blood drawn for their standard blood panel, and then stared in on the IV treatment. They retested me on all of the homeopathic ingredients that they use for the IVs to make sure that they got mine formulated correctly. This week they will also be testing the levels of the various other homeopathic things that they had me on to make sure they are correct.

We met with the Doctor at 4:00. The conversation was good and he is definitely genuinely concerned for my condidtion and that my immune system hasn't started coming around yet. The big news is that through our conversation he thinks that there might be some sort of other deeply burried bacterial infection going on that could be playing a causitive role in this whole thing. If we can get to that infection and kill it, there may be a chance that things could start turning for the better. It's possible that after I come home, I may take a round of antibiotics for a couple weeks to address that infection. Please pray that this is the missing piece that we have been looking for, and that we'll be able to adress it effectively.

In the meantime, we will continue to boost my immune system while we're here for these next two weeks through the IVs and the pushes. The last time I was here I had built up to the point where I was taking pretty strong pushes, but I'm starting that process over again this time. I took a low dose last night, and did react, but it wasn't too severe. I had relatively minor chills and fever, but the increased joint pain was still severe. I'll probably just continue to increase the dosage as I can handle it just like before.

I guess that's it for now ... I'll continue to update as things develop.

It's 3:17 a.m. ...

2009-07-19T03:16:00.001-06:00

... and we're leaving.

Think we'll hit traffic? :)

Praying that here begins the last leg of this journey toward healing ...

It's Official

2009-07-16T12:04:00.001-06:00

It's official. We're going back to Reno. Two weeks. Starting Monday.

To be honest, it's the absolute last place that I want to go. 2009 has been overflowing with stuff that I don't like though, so that's nothing new. I kind of feel like I have no choice in the matter. It's just one of those things that I have to do.

I thought that this trip might be different, that I wouldn't be doing the pushes and shak'n'bake and all that, but I was wrong. Apparently that is the main tenant of the treatment, and my biggest weapon in my arsenal as I continue to try to get my immune system functioning properly. The doc wants to do some further testing and stuff, but I'll be going through a very similar experience as last time.

I am thankful though. I've gotta be. Like for instance, check this out: My wife is coming with me. Man do I ever love that girl. She's my favorite. Of all time. We're planning on pulling out of the garage between 3-4 a.m. on Sunday morning, and I get to hang out with just her in the car for the next 15.5 hours. Actually, if you add in stops an stuff it's probably more like 17 or 18 hours. Some people might hate that idea, but I'm excited about that part. And I'm really thankful that Valeen is staying with me for the whole two weeks. She'll be working full time remotely from there, but we'll be together, and that makes all of the difference to me.

I'm anxious about going back there. I know what to expect. I've done it before, and maybe that's why I'm anxious. I don't want to do it again. I'm also really nervous that I'll go through another two weeks, and when I come home we'll be in the same situation all over again. I really want it to work. I want it to be different this time, but I'm scared that it won't be. God's timing is different from mine, that's for sure. I'm just going to have to continue to trust that He knows what He's dong, and He's got this all under control.

I'm bummed that Valeen and I will be spending our 4th wedding anniversary at the clinic. I'll be sick through the evening I'm sure. I had some cool stuff in mind to celebrate this year, but it was Colorado stuff not Nevada stuff. I guess it'll have to wait til we get back.

Thank you for all of your comments and encouragement on the last post. I'll continue updating this blog as we go.

Lastly, happy birthday to my Mom! I'm so glad you were born 60 years ago today! I pray that I'm as healthy and happy as you when I tun 60! I love you!

Oh, you're supposed to continue posting on these things ... I see.

2009-07-11T17:11:00.000-06:00

You know how sometimes you go see a movie or read a good book and at some point inevitably the thing ends and then you realize that even though the ending point made pretty good sense as far as the plot line and the story goes, you've become so attached to the characters along the way that you find yourself longing to know what happened next and if things stayed peachy after they rode into the sunset or got married or found the treasure or finally made it home or whatever happened at the end of your particular story? You know that feeling? I imagine you probably didn't get much of that when I stopped adding entries to this blog last month, but you must admit that was a valiant attempt at the world's longest opening sentence. Some day I hope to do an entire blog post in one sentence.

Where was I? Oh yeah. I was busy using humor to try to pretend that my life is something other than what it is right now. The usual. And it doesn't work, by the way. False advertising I think. It's like when somebody writes a really crappy book and then asks you to design a cover for it and they want it to be totally awesome of course (that's why they asked you) but you feel bad making the cover look all that interesting because you know that when someone picks up the book and buys it based on their interest generated by the cover they are undoubtedly going to be sorely disappointed by the content inside. And I think that disappointment is partially your fault, designer, because you misrepresented what was was truly inside. I think it would have been better for you to simply design a crappy cover so the potential buyer knew what they were getting. There I go again.

So how do you transition a blog post from something that opened like that, to talking about the serious and not-so-funny junk that you really set out to discuss in the first place? I need a segue. Here we go:

Speaking of book covers and misrepresentation and all, I'm reading a book right now that has one of the worst cover designs I have ever seen, and it is without a doubt one of the best books I have ever read. It's called Disappointment With God by Philip Yancey, and the copy I have is the first paperback edition from 1992 (not the cover you'll see if you look it up on Amazon). The book arrived in my mailbox last week sent to me by a friend from church who had no idea that I love Philip Yancey's writing, but did have some idea that I may be going through some things that might have me feeling a little disappointed with God. Thank you, Carol. You were right, and I'm finding Yancey's insight incredibly helpful.

Before I back up to fill you in on how things have gone in the five weeks since I came home from Reno, let me just be up front with some things with respect to my thoughts about God. I still believe. He is still faithful. His sovereignty does not hinge on how I feel about Him. I doubt. I wonder. I'm confused. I question. I get angry and upset and hurt and disappointed and I even feel let down by God. But those are my reactions to circumstances, those feelings are not a reflection of Him. They are a reflection of my human, sinful, not-yet-fully-redeemed condition. Just because I am open and honest about my feelings and frustrations, please do not doubt my belief in God. I am not capable of understanding God, and for that I am grateful. I still believe. He is faithful even when I don't understand, and He will never leave me or forsake me. That's a promise from the One who always does what He says He'll do. And He'll heal.

——————————————————

We got back from Reno 5 weeks ago today. My intent when we returned was to continue posting to this blog as I began my recovery from the treatment and my disease. Things have not gone as planned. Slowly but surely over the last five weeks my condition has continued to decline. The good old Rheumatoid Arthritis symptoms have raged relentlessly and continue to break down my joints daily. I can feel and see the damage worsening with every week that goes by. I'm not sleeping very well due to the pain, and my days are filled with literally trying to survive one thing to make it to the next. It sounds melodramatic, but it's true. Full relief from the pain has eluded me for over five months now.

On a recommendation from a friend, we started seeing a chiropractor here in town shortly after we got back. I've been working with her on many different things—not simply adjusting the spine—three days a week for about a month now. Her goal all along has been to help me see some reduction in the swelling and pain so my body can have a break, and so the damage to the joints can be stopped. I've done everything she's asked, and nothing has helped. She told me yesterday that, "This is not working. I'm the last one to want to tell you this, but I think you may need to start looking into your medical options to get this under control. I'm afraid of letting this go too far and having you suffer permanent damage just because we're being bullheaded." Needless to say, that was not a very encouraging thing to hear. But I must admit that it was a relief to finally hear a professional admit what I've been thinking for a long time now.

That is not to say that I've given up (whatever that means). Not yet. At least not if my wife has anything to do with it (and she does). Valeen has been so strong through all of this. She has kept me going. Emotionally and physically I have been so far past the end of myself for so long that I've been literally hanging on to her willpower and strength as she keeps trudging forward. Her incredible faith and strength are sustaining me. God works that way sometimes, you know? I've found that we truly became one on our wedding day, and that the only reason I've made it through any of this is that two-thirds of our relationship (Valeen and Christ) are still pulling their weight and making up for my weakness. There has not been a more wonderfully- and tortuously-kept promise made to me than when she promised "in sickness and in health" four years ago this month.

I've been in contact with the doctor from the clinic in Reno, and he has continued to show great concern that I haven't seen any improvement in my condition. He is resolved to get me back to Reno and to get me feeling better. He said he wants two weeks. To be honest with you, that is the last place I want to go. I suffered there every day for six weeks of my life, and so far nothing has come of it. My confidence that anything will work at this point is pretty much gone. I am discouraged, hurting, disappointed, confused, and exhausted, and I have absolutely no desire to go back to the clinic. But Valeen won't give up yet. She's not willing to step off this path we've trudged so far down until every option has been exhausted. Please pray that we know how to proceed with this decision.

When we returned home, I hadn't taken any painkillers for 6 weeks, and I intended to keep it that way. Unfortunately, the pain has won that battle six or seven times since we've been home, and I've taken Aleve or Advil. By last weekend the pain had become too much for me to handle. I didn't feel like I could stand another day. The doc in Reno agreed that my body needs a break from the destructive inflammatory cycle that it is in, and he prescribed hydrocortisone. I started taking it on Monday. It seems the RA is in full gear now though, cause the new medicine didn't do much at all to touch the pain and inflammation. Every day this past week has been awful. On Thursday we talked to the doc again, and he recommended that I double the dose of hydrocortisone, so I started that yesterday. Again, unfortunately, yesterday and today have been completely horrible days. It definitely isn't doing what it should.

I'm very discouraged to have had to take a pharmaceutical. I went through tons of time and effort and angst and money working to rid my body of the chemicals from the drugs that I took in the beginning. I'm not happy at all about having to put some back in. Especially steroids. Last time I took steroids, my face swelled up like a fat man. And this time I'm not even seeing relief.

I don't know what God's doing. I know that people literally all over the country are praying for me. I know that I cry out in pain to Him every single day. I don't know why He hasn't answered all those prayers for healing and relief. I don't know what He's waiting for. I don't know what He's doing. I don't know what His plan is. It feels unfair to me. But God is just. It's not unfair. God is incapable of being unfair by His very nature. Health and a functioning body are not our rights as humans, they are a gift. It is only by grace that I'm here at all. If I got what was truly fair, what I actually deserve .... I don't even want to think about it. I also feel let down. But the only way to be let down is if we set up expectations that are not met. Who am I to set up expectations for God? I've mistakenly projected my desires on to what I think God should do, completely disregarding the fact that He is sovereign. He's doing something, and I don't know what it is. But it's not just about me. As hard as it is for me to remember that, it is not just about me. I also feel weak. But the Bible says that His strength is made perfect in our weakness. God has me here for a reason. He is not sitting idly by.

——————————————————

So there you have it. The last five weeks in summary. I'm not entirely sure if any of you are even still there after that hiatus that I took. If you are, and you want me to keep blogging, then let me know. I'd love to continue. To be honest though, I mostly do it out of selfish motivation to help me work through my thoughts, but I can do that on my own in a journal if nobody is interested in reading it here. Either way works for me.

Obviously you, O dedicated blog follower, are still here reading these words right now. Thank you for your continued concern and support and prayers. God instructed us to keep asking ... so please join me in that. You're awesome.

Home.

2009-06-07T20:38:00.002-06:00

You appreciate stuff more when you miss it. What is it that they say? Absence makes the heart grow fonder? We'll they're right. Whoever they are.

I love Colorado and Colorado Springs and our townhome and our leather couches and our bbq and the steaks we just grilled on it and our king sized bed and even our obnoxious dogs. My life, which God has so graciously allowed me to live with my beautiful wife, is not perfect, but I love it.

You should really try stepping outside your life for six weeks or so and see how it changes your perspective. It's really quite amazing.

The last time that I wrote and you read, I wasn't feeling very good at all. Physically I was a mess, and emotionally I wasn't any better. Saturday morning brought our first attempt at Valeen giving me a shot in the butt (not the buttshot, but still), and after about 20 minutes of freaking out and trying to psych myself up I finally let her have at my hind end and she did an amazing job. She's hired. Thankfully, God granted me some grace for the rest of the day, and I felt a little better as we drove the 8+ hours from Salt Lake City to Colorado Springs. The car ride was still really tough, especially on my hips, but I survived and Valeen was an amazing chauffeur, and we stopped and had Chipotle in Loveland so everything worked out okay in the end.

My first night back in my own bed was a little tough as far as quality of sleep goes, but I didn't mind. I'm just happy to be home. Today was filled with lots of unpacking and getting shots in the arm, and trying to remember what my life's all about, and so on and so forth. I did my best all day to pretend like I didn't have any pain, but that wasn't entirely true. I've got quite a bit—mainly in my feet, ankles, shoulders, and wrists. And I'm exhausted. Physically and emotionally drained like I've never experienced before. But the really encouraging news is that I could be A LOT worse. I was before I went to Reno, that's for sure. And while it is true that I'm still using the home care stuff that the clinic recommended, I'm NOT taking any ibuprofen (and I was taking tons before I left). Valeen prayed on Saturday morning after my really rough night that God would allow me a little relief each day. This weekend He did that.

I don't know what the future holds, and I'm still incredibly anxious about the home care stuff and all that, but I'm thankful to God for a little glimmer of hope this weekend, and am hopeful that glimmer will continue to grow over the weeks and months to come.

If you'd like to come along with me on this next phase of the journey, you're more than invited! I plan to continue to update this blog as things progress. Thank you so much for your incredible support thus far. I am blessed by you.

Done and gone.

2009-06-05T22:18:00.002-06:00

Done. (But not done by a long shot ... shot ... that's not even funny.)

I'm writing a blog post from somewhere other than Reno, NV for the first time in 6 weeks, and it feels great! Also, as icing on the cake, my wife flew back to Reno last night so that she could drive home with me (thanks Bek!)! Man it's good to have her back with me. I suck without her. Honestly, I do. Ask anybody. They'll tell you.

Back to this morning though for a second—We took one last look at my blood on the darkfield microscope just to see what was going on, and man did my blood look good! The cells were all healthy and round and strong-looking, just like good little red blood cells should be. And, there wasn't a spirofreak to be found. They're all dead and gone and probably somewhere in the liver waiting to be flushed. They're all toast, baby. It's a good feeling not having any lyme punks in you, you know?

Actually, I lied. Can I be honest with you for a minute or two (as if I haven't been this whole time)? It doesn't feel good. Not at all. I mean, mentally the idea of being lyme-free feels great, but I'm not doing very well. I'm not sure that I explained this very well in my previous posts, but the truth is that I all throughout the six weeks that I've been here, I found relief from my RA symptoms during the week after my push reactions were over, but the minute I stopped receiving treatments (read: the weekend), my symptoms roared back with a vengeance. I suffered every weekend that I was here. I truly am upset to report that this weekend is not exception already.

I didn't have a push today since we were going to be driving for 8 hours, so as far as my body is concerned the fight is already on. It didn't take long for the RA to start kicking into gear. Just over halfway through today's drive I had to pull over and let Valeen finish out the trip; things were already getting too bad.

Despite the rather jovial tone that I forced for the beginning of this post, I'm really struggling right now. I've got an immediate future of major pain, tremendously difficult (and expensive) self-treatment, and loads of uncertainty staring me in the face right now. I'm not sure how to respond.

It's interesting though: Since this whole thing began, this experience has been likened (by others and by me) to two different Biblical accounts of 40's spent in the desert. First, Jesus's 40 days in the the desert, and second, the Israelite's 40 years in the desert. The interesting thing to me is that at the end of those two periods, there was a major battle to be faced and overcome by both Jesus and the Israelites respectively. Jesus had to face Satan and overcome his temptations, despite Jesus's weakened physical state from fasting for 40 days. The Israelites had to face a land full of giants who they had no idea how to defeat in battle on their own. Giants who were so scary that the first time the Israelites had a chance to go fight and claim their Promised Land, they ran with their tails between their legs.

I feel kind of like Jesus right now in that I am being tempted in my weakened physical state. I'm being tempted to give up, to say "forget it" to all the shots and pills and drops etc. I'm being tempted to lose faith in what God's doing, to give up on what He's convicted me to do and to take the "easy way out."

I also feel kind of like the Israelites right now in that I am facing some major "giants." Things that I have no idea how to defeat on my own. I feel like it's impossible, like there's no way that I can actually go through with all of this.

The kicker is that Jesus stood up to the temptation through the power of God's Word. He was weakened physically, but I think that may have been Jesus's strongest moment of his 33 years on this earth spiritually, because of the 40 days He has just spent communing with His Father. He defeated the temptations of the devil, and went on to immediately launch his earthly ministry that culminated on the cross.

The other kicker is that the Israelites finally got it right after their 40 years in the desert, and they went in and defeated the giants through the power of God. They may not have known how, but God did. And what was their reward? The Promised Land.

I'm sorry to have brought you into my brain as I kicked this all around just now, but I'm still trying to figure it all out. It seems that I know what the answer is, I know what I have to do, but man am I scared. I'm certainly not strong enough on my own.

Lord, give me strength as tomorrow begins the next phase. I'm still choosing to trust in You even though I can't see the whole picture. My strength is long gone now, so I'm relying on Yours. Thank you that Your strength is made perfect in my weakness.

In God's timing.

2009-06-03T22:30:00.002-06:00

There have been a lot of things in my life that I probably should have learned but didn't, but one of the things that I have learned is that God's timing is better than my own. Always.

That truth has come true over and over and over again in my life, and yet somehow I never seem to get it until afterward. In retrospect. It's probably something that I'll struggle with for the rest of my life, but I'm doing my very best to at least try this time to be patient and to trust God. I keep slipping, but I'm trying.

Speaking of timing, my first day at the clinic here in Reno was Monday, April 27, 2009. My last day of treatment will be this coming Friday, June 5th, 2009. I dare you to whip out a calendar and count up the days. Come on, I dared you. OK, I'll tell you. Exactly 40 days. I know! Are you catching this? It was all God. Completely. The dates "happened" to work out that way because of completely random housing arrangements for the most part. Coincidence? No. God was all over it.

How long was Jesus in the desert? 40 days.
How long was Noah in the ark? 40 days.
How long was Moses on the mountain with God? 40 days (twice).
How long did it take the Israelite spies to search out the Promised Land? 40 days.
How long did the the Israelites spend in the wilderness? 40 years.
How many days was Jesus seen on the earth after his resurrection? 40 days.

40 days is a very significant time period to God. It seems to me like it was almost always a testing period where a person or group's faith and dedication were tried. Either that or a preparation period where God was working with a person or group in preparation for what's to come. The significance of the amount of time that God ordained for me to spend here is not lost on me. It's really got me thinking.

How is God testing me?
Am I standing up to the test?
What does he want to teach me?
Am I learning?
What is he preparing me for?
Am I open to being prepared?

I've very often throughout this whole ordeal had trouble trusting God's timing. I want to, and I try to, but I fail over and over again. I want God to heal me now. I want to be done with this mess. I don't want to have to continue care with literally dozens of shots per week when I get home. I don't want to go home not completely better. But it's a good thing that I'm not God, cause as I noted earlier, His timing is always better than mine. The truth is that I don't know what God is doing. I don't understand the big picture. I can't see all this from God's perspective. And that's where the faith comes in. I'm choosing to trust God's timing in all of this—even if I don't understand.

So you know, and so you can be praying, I'm having a very tough time mentally and emotionally with the fact that I'm not going home healed. With the fact that I will have more continued "homecare" than I ever could have imagined. And most of all, with the understanding that I very well may feel pretty horrible still when I come home. Maybe even as bad as before I came here. I sure hope and pray not, but it is a possibility.

It's so hard for me to wrap my brain around the concept that despite all the time, the effort, the money, the pain, the sweating, the shaking, and the tears, that I'm more than likely still on the front end of this process. I'm very confident that a lot of good has been done, and that I'm moving in the right direction. I've seen it with my own eyes. And for those of you who might wonder about what I've been doing here given the possibility that I just laid out, I'm also very confident that this trip and treatment were and are God ordained and orchestrated. He literally paved the way with His miraculous provision. He determined the timing. He has His purposes, and I am trusting in Him.

Please pray for my faith and trust. Despite my having the head knowledge of Matthew 6:30-34 and Philipians 4:6-7, I still worry.

Two more days!

I AM Global Warming.

2009-06-02T20:56:00.003-06:00

With a fever over 101 every single weekday for the past 6 weeks, I AM Global Warming.

(And you can kiss my buttshot, Al Gore.)

Celebrity.

2009-06-02T11:52:00.002-06:00

The first or second week that we were here, Valeen and I were just chilling in our chairs getting our IVs minding our own business when Randy Travis waltzed in to meet with the doctor. Even though we didn't expect to see him we weren't that surprised because we knew that he is a big advocate for this place. He was very nice and gracious talking to some of the folks here before he left.

Well today, a few minutes ago, I was just sitting here waiting for my IV when guess who sauntered through? None other than Chuck Norris himself (followed closely by his two little girls and his wife). He's in there talking with the doc right now.

While I was getting my IV hooked up a minute ago I was talking to Gene (the IV guy) about it, and he said that Steven Segal comes in here (apparently he's not a very happy guy), and so does John Voight. Interesting.

But then I realized that I'm not impressed cause Chris Tschamler also goes here so what's the big deal?

Questions and Answers

2009-05-31T21:09:00.002-06:00

Many people have asked me questions regarding my condition, diagnosis, prognosis etc. I have wondered many of the same things myself. I have, of course, learned a ton in the time since I was diagnosed with RA three and a half years ago, and have continued to learn since I've been here in Reno. But that does not mean that I know everything. There are still questions that I can't answer.

Nonetheless, I do have some answers. I figured I should take the time to discuss a little about what I know and what I still don't know here on the blog. Keep in mind that all of this is simply the way that I understand things, and I'm not a medical authority (to say the least). Hopefully, if you are interested, the following might clear up some of the questions that you may have. Alternatively, it may just serve as a place for me to sort out my thoughts and knowledge on all this, and that's good too I suppose.

The following is an interview that I am conducting with myself:

So, do you have Rheumatoid Arthritis or Lyme's Disease?
Um, yes ... I think ... or I did. The Lyme bacteria is pretty much all gone at this point as far as I know. See, here's the thing: Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA) is not exactly a definable disease in the way that other diseases are definable. You can't run a test to find out if you do or don't have it. It's more accurately described, I think, as a classification of symptoms. Meaning, there's a list of symptoms that some medical person somewhere came up with back in the day, and in order to be diagnosed with RA, you have to show at least x number of the symptoms. So, in my case, the answer is technically yes. I presented enough of the symptoms on the list in February 2006 to qualify to be clinically diagnosed with RA. My guess is that today I still present enough symptoms to "have the disease" as well.

OK, so you have Rheumatoid Arthritis, but what about Lyme's Disease?
As far as the Lyme Disease goes, that's a little more straight forward. Not totally straightforward, but a little more. In order to have Lyme Disease, you have to be infected with the Lyme bacteria (a nasty little spirochete known to the people in the white coats and Mercedes Benzes as Borrelia burgdorferi). Seems simple enough. But the problem is that the suckers are extremely elusive to detection by both our testing method and the human immune system. In fact, when you order a blood test to see if you have Lyme, the lab tries to find any antigens to the Lyme bacteria that your immune system may have produced while trying to fight it (as opposed to actually looking for the bacteria itself). The problem is, because the Lyme often eludes the immune system (by hiding in tissues or inside red blood cells etc.), many times your body has not identified it and created antibodies to it, and so you can come up with a false negative on your blood test relatively easily. In fact, the Western Blot blood test for Lyme is only about 60% reliable. If it finds it, you have it, but if it doesn't, that doesn't mean you don't.

Did your blood test come up positive for Lyme's Disease?
Actually, no. It didn't. Well, it was slightly positive in some of the 'bands', but not enough for the lab to call it positive. Keep in mind though that the blood that was tested was drawn on the morning of the very first day that I came to the clinic. My immune system had been suppressed for the previous three years with very strong drugs, and it doesn't surprise me at all that I hadn't built any antibodies to the bacteria (despited my belief that it was there in massive numbers [keep reading]).

Well that sucks. So you don't really know if you have/had Lyme's Disease?
Actually, I think I do know. There's another way to find the little buggers, and that's to slap some live blood on a darkfield microscope and take a look for yourself. The spirochetes are readily visible, swimming around and doing their disgusting little work, at 100X magnification. The problem with this method, clinically speaking, is that darkfield microscopy is not recognized by the powers that be as a valid tool for clinical diagnosis. Nonetheless, when we looked at my blood, there was no doubt. My blood was teeming the stuff. Despite my negative initial blood test, I have no doubt that I was completely infested with Lyme bacteria. (Side note: Valeen's blood, when examined on the darkfield microscpe looked almost exactly like mine except that there were fewer bacteria present, and her blood test came back with a solid positive for Lyme. If you think about it though, that is not surprising at all. Valeen's immune system was strong enough to fight the Lyme infection efficiently enough that she didn't have any symptoms. It's no wonder therefore, that the test identified Lyme antigens in her blood.)

OK, so you have/had Lyme Disease. Is that what caused the RA?
Um ... maybe ... probably ... I think so ... but I don't know for sure. It's very well documented that one of the over 200 serious diseases that Lyme Disease can "masquerade" as is arthritis. In fact, if you look up the history of Lyme Disease, and it's discovery in the 1970's, it has everything to do with arthritis. If I had to guess, then I would say that yes, I do think my RA was initiated by an infection of the Lyme bacteria.

Well that's good news because that means if the Lyme caused the RA, and you got rid of the Lyme, then your RA will also go away, right?
Well, this is the biggest unknown for me right now, and also the biggest prayer request that I have. RA is an autoimmune disease. That means that my immune system, which is supposed to attack all the bad stuff in me, has mistakenly been trained to attack my own healthy tissue. Specifically, my joints. If the Lyme infection was the cause, as I suspect, that doesn't change the fact that my immune system is now trained to attack my joints. Even if I take away the causative factor (which I think God's graciously done through this treatment), my immune system is still mistakenly attacking me. This is what leaves me so concerned. Again, I only have a layman's knowledge of all this, but I am very concerned that when I leave the clinic here in Reno, despite the fact that the Lyme is now gone, my RA will continue to plague me (which, of course, was what I came to Reno to treat in the first place). Please join me in praying that this will not be the case. Pray that my newly boosted immune system will begin to act as it was designed and that it will stop attacking my joints. Pray that I will be able to tell a difference in the RA symptoms. Pray that I can note some improvement. Pray that over time, the healing that we've all been asking God for will take place in my body and my immune system.

I have brought this issue up with the doctor who runs the clinic here, and although I didn't exactly get a clear answer from him, he did seem to feel positively about the prospect of my RA symptoms improving over time now that the Lyme is gone, and if we successfully address all the other issues that we found. It is going to be a process if it happens. Many of the other folks whose stories I've heard through the grapevine here at the clinic report gradual improvements over time once the Lyme is gone. I'm praying that this will be my experience as well.

You mentioned the need to "address all the other issues" you found. What does that mean? You found more than Lyme?
Yeah. We ran a buttload of tests. The doctor here is very adamant that we address all of the issues that may be contributing to my immune system's failure, not just the Lyme. In my case, we ran a blood food allergy panel that revealed that I have an allergic sensitivity to dairy products and eggs. We also found that I have a strong chemical sensitivity to Hexachlorocylohexane—dang it! Now I'm gonna have to lay off that stuff!—which is a pesticide used on fruits and vegetables and cotton. I also have a moderate chemical sensitivity to Pyrene (a polynuclear aromatic hydrocarbon that is derived from the burning of coal, tar, fossil fuel, food, garbage, tobacco, and other organic substances), and a moderate chemical sensitivity to Xylitol (a sugar alcohol used as an artificial sweetener). Lastly, we found that I was over-vaccinated for diptheria and tetanus. But don't worry, that's it.

Holy pants! What are you gonna do about all those issues?
Shots. And then some more shots. And then a few more. Honestly. I will be taking home loads of shots to give myself to help start counteracting all of these problems. They're all homeopathic injections that are formulated specifically for me. For the food allergies, I will have a series of three shots per day to give myself. The three chemicals require one shot each, I'm not sure how often, and the diptheria and tetanus issues also will require one shot each of an unknown frequency. These are in addition to the buttshot and another standard inter-muscular (read: butt) shot that I will have to have three time per week each. I'm gonna be swiss cheese.

So is that it? Is that all you're going to have to do when you get home?
Well ... I also have this protein drink "medical food" stuff called inflammex that is supposed to help me with inflammation, and I'm taking co-enzyme Q10 for my enzymatic reactions, and I have Collagen Type II to help me try to begin rebuilding my joints, and I have some adrenal support drops that should help regulate the cortisol levels in my body, and I have this other homepathic spray stuff that I spray under my tongue that's supposed to stimulate regrowth within my body. I think that's it. All that plus 2.5 million shots.

Dang, man. How in the world are you gonna afford all this stuff?
The same way we afforded this crazy-expensive treatment: God.

Um ... how much weight have you lost? You're looking trim!
Thanks, man. I feel trim. I've lost just over 30 pounds since January. If you find any of it, I'll take it back. Especially if it's my shoulders or chest.

I think I'm out of questions, but this has been fun. Want to do it again sometime?
We'll see.

One sorry little bugger.

2009-05-29T16:31:00.002-06:00

That's it! Just one danged little spirochete, that's all we saw.

And he doesn't stand a chance. I've got one whole week more of treatment (plus the reaction from tonight's push which should begin any moment), so he's toast. Him and whatever few friend he has left. Again, it was only a 1-2 drop sample of blood, and I have 7 liters in my body, so there are bound to be a few more, but they're as good as dead.

Oh, and my red blood cells looked awesome. Originally they were all beat up and not circular and raggedy and full of baby spirochete spores, but today—perfect. Clear, strong, perfect circles. Not a baby or egg or spore or whatever you want to call it to be found.

God is good, blog follower people. God is good.

He's clearing my blood in time for me to go home. He knows what He's doing, always has. I will have a lot to do when I get home to continue the healing process and address all the other issues that aren't lyme, but we're moving in the right direction.

Thank you for your continued support and prayers and cards etc.

Please will you excuse me now while I shake and freeze and then burn and hurt and simmer and stuff for the next 5ish hours? Thank you. I just gotta kill these last few little sons of guns real quick.

I'm typing with one hand.

2009-05-29T10:02:00.002-06:00

It's my right hand. My left arm has the IV in it and can't be bent.

Today we will look at my blood again on the darkfield microscope. This will give me a really good indication of my progress at killing those little lyme punks. I'm nervous, yes, thanks for asking. But I'm confident that I've done all that I can so far, so it is what it is. God's still in charge, and He knows what He's doing.

Of course I will let you know ASAP after I find out. Stay tuned...

Oh poo.

2009-05-28T11:27:00.003-06:00

WARNING: If you don't like poo talk, tune out now. Consider yourself warned.

Yesterday I did the IV treatment in the morning, but then had an appointment at a spa that looked oh so relaxing and refreshing when I walked in. Unfortunately, I wasn't there for a massage or facial or something. I was there for what they called "Colon Hydrotherapy". (Side note: Recommended by my doctor to help remove toxins. I'd never make that appointment on my own). Anyhow ... hydrotherapy my butt (he he). It was a colon clense. I'll leave it at that.

Oh man was that awkward and uncomfortable. Not something I plan on doing again.

Appropriately though, yesterday's gift from my sisters ... wait, did I tell you about that? A week an a half ago my sisters in New York sent me this awesome package that was full of wrapped gifts. Each one had a number written on it, so that I have one to open every day until the end of my treatment. It's an awesome deal, and I look forward to opening the next gift each day. So, back to what I was saying ... yesterday's gift from my sisters was a hilarious little book entitled "What's Your Poo Telling You?"

I haven't read it all yet, but let me tell you, if you can laugh at poo, then this book's for you. Funny stuff. And actually very medically informative (one of the co-authors is an M.D.) Thanks guys!

Anyway, yesterday I took a really tough push. I've continued to increase the level of the push as much as I can tolerate. That one was rough. The shakes were strong and the fever got up to 102.9°F and didn't want to let go. It definitely ran into the night. I should have another chance to look at my blood on the darkfield microscope tomorrow. Praying for clear blood! I'll let you know ...

My wife has left me (homeward bound).

2009-05-27T11:29:00.002-06:00

Yep. This morning. I dropped her off at the airport at 6:30 am. Boo. I'm not a fan. I'm really glad that she gets to go home, but I'm selfish. I'd rather have her here with me.

Oh—and can I interrupt myself for a second? I've gotta give a shout out to Valeen's Sonicare toothbrush. See, the thing is that she only planned on being here for a week so she brought the toothbrush but she didn't bring the charger. But she ended up staying her for over four weeks. And do you wanna know what? That bad boy was still running strong last night when she was brushing her teeth. Incredible.

And on a related note, I can never seem to endure through the entire two minutes that my Sonicare recommends for brushing. It feels like an eternity. Not sure what me deal is.

So ... I'm wifeless, but I feel good today (physically). I'm thanking God for that. In fact, I'm not sure I can remember the last time that my RA symptoms were this mild. It's really nice. I think that the pushes are really doing a lot to kick my immune system into gear to kill the bad guys and get stuff moving.

Thanks for journeying with me ...

I'm so fickle.

2009-05-26T09:57:00.002-06:00

Hello. Never fear. Today is a new day.

The treatment that I'm receiving here is obviously doing something right. I feel much better today after my treatment yesterday.

Thank God for the relief.

Now ... to sustain it ...

Guess the clinic doesn't celebrate our country's fallen heros.

2009-05-25T10:57:00.003-06:00

Hello followers. Happy Memorial Day.

Here I am at the clinic sitting next to my beautiful wife (who is thankfully not here for treatment) waiting to have my blood drawn and my IV started. Yee-ha. Welcome to summer.

I'm having a tough day. I had a tough weekend. I'm in lots of pain. For the third weekend in a row, my joints have flared up like crazy. It's really frustrating. At the moment, my left hand is swollen and in pain like never before. My hips are killing me, my shoulders are in pain, and my back, elbows, ankles and feet are in pain too.

Even scarier yet is the condition of my body. I'm wasting away. I never imagined I could get this thin. I'm so incredibly weak. It's unbelievable. I've lost 36 pounds since the end January. I pretty much can't get any weaker or I won't be able to lift my own limbs. You know how skeletons kind of look all out of proportion with heads and hands too big for the rest of their body? Yeah, that's me. My joints are so painful that I just can't use my body. And when you stop using your body for months on end, apparently this is what happens. Go figure. I tried to bench press my pillow the other day ... nope. Couldn't do it. In fact, I can't even make the bench press motion with my arms with nothing in my hands. It's unbelievable. Looking in the mirror is scary these days.

My wife's impending departure is haunting me. I know it's coming, and there's nothing I can do about it. I've been tremendously blessed to have her here with me this whole time, but I'm selfish. I don't want her to leave. I feel like I need her, like I can't do this without her. This'll be yet another test for me to see if I can rely on God even without my wife being by my side. God's really flushing out my true nature through all of this. I wish I could say that I'm passing with flying colors, but I'm not. I keep stumbling, keep getting discouraged. I keep doubting. Keep getting scared.

I'm in the right place. I know that. God lead us here so clearly. He's provided so thoroughly. I know He has this in His control, He has a plan. But I get distracted so easily by the circumstances. The wind and the waves seem to grab my attention. It's really hard to keep my focus on God.

Please pray for strength and perseverance for me. God's gonna have to get me through the rest of this, cause I'm on empty. [Philippians 4:13]

Don't worry though ... God's must be planning to do some restoration, cause I know He's not done with me yet. :)

Praise God my blood is clear (by Valeen)

2009-05-22T12:52:00.003-06:00

This week has been a hard week with very hard pushes. I have increased my level every day since I found out Monday that the spirochetes weren't all dead yet. Apparently it worked, because today my blood was clear and my red blood cells were beginning to look normal (they had been pretty beat up from the babies living in them). Pretty sick, I know. I will still have another push tonight since they are good for the immune system, and I will also be taking things home to make sure that I have been completely cleared of them. We have a lot of blood, so that drop that they look at is only a good estimation, but not a for sure thing.

As Chris mentioned, I will be heading home on Wednesday. My dad will be picking me up from the airport and I will be enjoying lunch with him and my Grandma. I'm super excited. I will return to work on Thursday. I'm sure it will take a little while before I feel normal, but I'm going to try to jump right in.

Chris will be here for another two weeks beginning Monday, and then I will fly back so that we can drive to CO together. His parents will continue to stay here with him. They have been amazing by the way, may I take a second to give a shout out? We have not had to worry about our meals at all plus M (Chris's Mom) makes sure that we don't get too high of a fever during our pushes. She takes our temp every 30 minutes, fills up our water, adds blankets, removes blankets, and just makes sure that we are ok through the suffering. I honestly could not have been more blessed in the area of in-laws.

So that is the most up to date news. I hope to do one last post before I go. You are all a blessing more than you know!

Mid-day update.

2009-05-21T15:10:00.002-06:00

I just gave myself a shot. When I go home, I'm gonna have tons of shots to give myself. Mostly they're for detoxing and allergies and chemical sensitivities and stuff. It'll be quite a few shots. Anyway, here's a photo of me giving myself one a few minutes ago.

For the record, I HATE shots. And I hate needles. I'm getting poked multiple times a day here, and will poking myself a lot over the next six months too. I'm fairly certain that I will be instructed to do the buttshot at home for the months to come. People, I have no way of explaining to you how utterly impossible that prospect is for my brain right now. I can barely get myself to go in and let the nurses here give it to me each day. They like to train the spouses to give it to one another. I don't think that's gonna happen. Valeen's not interested in letting me give it to her, and she's also not interested in inflicting that kind of pain on me. And I don't blame her. I don't take it well.

I can endure a lot of tough things. I think I've proven that. But to defile my own home with the buttshot!? I just don't know if I can do that.

I'll catch you up real quick-like.

2009-05-19T22:34:00.003-06:00

Hello blog followers who have been wanting an update but haven't been finding one. I'm sorry. It's not you, it's me. I really appreciate your loyalty and concern and everything; you deserve better. If it's any consolation, I intend to continue with these updates on a more regular basis from here on out. I'll try not to let it happen again.

Where to start? We're here in Reno, NV for .... no, too far back. I'll just start with this week. We're still here, still persevering, still trusting God, still getting treatments. This is our fourth week being here, and our third week going through the IV, shots, and push regimen. On Monday, Valeen again had a chance to look at a drop of her blood under the darkfield microscope to see with our own eyes the status of the lyme infection. We were really hoping that her blood would be clear, and she'd be through with treatment. Unfortunately, that was no the case. But the good news is that her blood was much improved. We did not find any of the "spores" (lyme babies in the red blood cells) that she originally had an abundance of. There were none. Praise God. Looks like the buttshot, however torturous, is working. Also, there were very few actual little spirochetes in the sample we looked at. We only counted four all together. Of course, she does have 7 liters of blood in her body, and we were only looking at a two drop sample, but still, we're rejoicing in the huge improvement. In fact, I'm excited to report that we booked Valeen's plane ticket home today. She'll finally be back home next Wednesday, May 27th. Now all she has to do is kill the remaining nasty little guys by Friday. I know she can do it.

As for me, I'm still chugging along. I did not test my blood again on Monday, but we continue to trust that I too am making progress. I'm fairly certain that due to the crazy immunosuppressant drugs that I was on for three years, my body needs a little more time to catch up. The buttshots continue to be obnoxiously painful and are the daily source of much personal angst for me. I could not loath them more, and they routinely live up to my dread. The pushes are still difficult, and keep us in a perpetual state of exhaustion. Even the weekend hasn't come close to giving our bodies a chance to feel caught up. It's an incredible mental and physical challenge for both of us to will ourselves to return for more treatment each and every day. As Valeen mentioned in her post, we definitely could not do this in our own strength. Every day we have to pray together and surrender it to God. We're existing on His strength here, not our own,

I continue to have arthritis pain daily. It's still here. But I'm still celebrating the lack of NSAID use (nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs [things like ibuprofen {Advil®} and acetaminophen {Tylenol®}]), and praising God over the small victories. Like right now, for instance, I can make a fist with both hands. Not a stiff enough or inflamed enough finger on either hand to stop me! There's still some pain there, and my hands are weak as can be, but thank God for His mercy in allowing me some relief! (And I don't use exclamations points lightly, people.) My shoulders and hips continue to give me trouble, but I'm trusting that in time as my body begins to heal, those too will begin to improve. And when they do, you're gonna see some clenched fists and raised arms (things I've not been able to do) in celebration and thanks to God!

On Monday, as I mentioned, we were really hoping that Valeen's blood test would show up clear. That was a difficult morning for us both when it didn't happen. Thank you for your prayers against discouragement on our behalf. We really needed them, and God came through. We're are not deterred by the extra week of treatment that Valeen has to go through. In fact, we've been able to rejoice in the fact that I get a little more time with her here by my side before she goes home. I am blessed. People, you cannot imagine the incredible level of love and support and help and encouragement and strength that my wife has been able to give me through all of this, despite having to suffer through the treatments herself. What and incredible woman. To those of you who have been missing her in your lives during this time, thank you for letting me hog her. You've blessed me by that. I especially want to thank Valeen's team at Compassion International for the support that they have shown her (and me) in this ordeal. Especially Valeen's boss and her immediate team. I know that you are shouldering a big load while Valeen is not there to do her job. Thank you. Thank you so much for your selfless and gracious attitudes. We are in debt to you.

I'm really learning some stuff about myself through all of this. Recall with me, if you will, the story of the Israelites being led by God out into the desert. I've often marveled at how they continually lost sight of the big picture. God saved them from frickin' slavery in Egypt! He led them through the middle of the Red Sea! God was there with them as a pillar of fire by night and a pillar of cloud by day! He miraculously provided food for them! He had promised them the Promised Land! And yet ... they kept forgetting. They kept grumbling and complaining. They kept thinking they knew better. To be honest with you, I've often shaken my head in disbelief at them. I've even laughed at them thinking, "They're so short-sighted. How can they not see? It's so obvious!" I've even prided myself on the thought that, "If I were in they're shoes, I wouldn't be that way. I'd keep trusting God." But, I have an admission to make: I'm no better than the Israelites when it comes down to it.

Here's the parallel: God has led us into the desert. His leading was clear. His provision for us has been undeniably miraculous, and He has simply asked us to trust Him. He has promised healing. But, every time I face a hiccup (I'm still having tons of pain, things aren't going the way I think they should, Valeen's blood isn't clear etc) my trust begins to waiver. I forget the big picture. I forget God's leading and the miraculous provision He's graciously offered. I start to doubt. I fall right into the same pattern and trap that I've scoffed at the Israelites for. So, there you go. That's the truth about me. But God is working. He's revealed these things to me and is continuing to work to mend my flawed heart. I'm choosing to trust God and His promises despite my shortsightedness most of the time.

Blog reader people, I am just a sucky sinful human. But I am learning. Thank you for riding along on this journey with me. Please pray for my perspective and my outlook to remain where God wants them. He has got this. He is in control. He is faithful.

Weekend Update

2009-05-17T09:53:00.002-06:00

I've been asked a few times if I feel better now than when I first came here. That is a very difficult question for me to answer because "how I feel" fluctuates so much. In one sense, that fact alone is improvement, because before I left I was straight "bad" all the time. The only fluctuation I had relied on how much ibuprofen I had taken (and even that was beginning to fail me). It's also a difficult question to answer because the treatments themselves, and the reactions to them, make me feel so crummy.

There have been times over the last few weeks that I have definitely felt better. At points I would almost say that I felt good. Almost. But I would say that so far those times are the exceptions. Maybe I'm doing a disservice by trying to write about this right now while I'm hurting very badly. It's kind of like going to the grocery store while you're starving. You're perspective on how and what you really need is skewed. My perspective might likewise be affected right now too. Having acknowledged and admitted that though, I'll proceed.

I'm still having a lot of trouble with my joints. They are causing me incredible amounts of pain. My shoulders continue to be consistently bad. Just moving my arms away from my sides in any direction is incredibly painful. This has been the main reason for all of the muscle loss in my shoulders and chest. I basically can't use my arms at all, and I haven't been able to for two and a half months. My hips continue to be the other source of consistent agony. Going from a sitting position to standing or vice versa couldn't be more difficult or painful. My hands have fluctuated a lot through all of this. Sometimes they're ok, and other times they are swollen, stiff, painful and useless. The rest of the usual suspects in my body (jaw, neck/back, elbows, wrists, knees, ankles, feet) have continued to flare and subside unpredictably throughout all this.

I know that the treatment is doing something. It's working on some levels. As I mentioned, there have been times when I have really felt a ton of improvement. It just has not been sustained at all yet. I've seen some improvement (visibly) on the darkfield microscope slides of my blood. I haven't taken ibuprofen (or any other pharmaceutical) for 19 days.

It's very tempting to be discouraged. I flirt with discouragement a lot. If it weren't for God, I'd be wallowing in it. But God has a plan. I'm trusting that. He brought us here. We know that. His ways are not our ways; we can't always understand what He's doing. This season of life that He has us in has not yet run it's course. Discouragement leaves no room for waiting on the Lord, so I'm choosing as best I can to not give in to it.

I also know that medically, this is a big thing that's going down here. It's not surprising that it doesn't just bust a U-turn and head in the other direction. There's a major battle going on at the cellular level, and my army (my immune system) has been severely depressed by the drugs for the last three and a half years. The enemy was allowed to run rampant in my body without restraint. I've gotta give my immune system a chance to rebuild and catch up. And that's exactly what we're doing here.

It's very possible that I may leave here having endured the full treatment and not be entirely well. I'll still have a fight. I'm praying that's not the case. I'm praying that God's will is to restore my body in ways that defy medical explanation.

Please pray for my mental and emotional strength. Pray that I don't give in to the ever-tempting discouragement that seems to be seducing me from all directions. Pray that I continue to trust God's promises and rest in Him. I knew this wouldn't be easy and it's not. It's unbelievably difficult.

But God is sufficient.

Lord, give me strength to endure.

Some words from Valeen.

2009-05-15T12:54:00.002-06:00

I'm really happy that my beautiful wife wanted to share some thoughts with all of you ...

Last night for the first time I was brought to a place where I realized that God has been my complete strength over these last few weeks. All of the prayers from all of you who are on your knees before Him crying out on our behalf are working, and are bringing us so much strength. Last night everything finally hit me the way that it would hit anyone who had no God, no faith, and no hope in what God is doing. I questioned how I was going to make it through another possible week of treatment (my veins are not happy anymore). I questioned how I could be away from my job any longer...

Until last night, all of the endless stresses and concerns have somehow been at bay in these past weeks and I have had complete peace. This is God alone. I realize that not everyone reading this believes in this God that I speak of or His Son who He sent to die for all of our sins, but if I can make any point in this blog may it be that we could not be in this place where we are, and we could not survive this treatment that we’re getting in our strength.

Before we came here we cried out to God asking Him to heal Chris—now. We have already begun to see that He had so much more that He wanted to do before healing Chris: Bringing so many to Him in prayer, causing Chris and I to surrender so many things that we thought that we had but never really did, giving us time in the desert to really reflect on Him and not put anything else above His will. Suffering does something for a believer. It’s all throughout His Word, but so few of us really ever go through suffering. It brings us to a place like no other. A place of dependence upon Him and His Word. I love Him like I’ve never loved Him before and I am enduring more physically than I ever have before. I'm not sure if it can really be explained well in words but it doesn’t hurt to try. There is something about the ability to look to God during physical suffering; He is so close and He is the comforter.

I really am praising God for this time of healing and restoration. We are being refined in so many ways—all of which were needed. I pray that we never forget what He has taught us here but that instead it would be a strong foundation for whatever He has in store for us when we get back. Even though I’ve always claimed to go wherever He has called me daily, I think that this is the first time when I know that I really have. He will call us into deserts, valleys, pain and suffering because we are His children and if He didn’t we would become spoiled, comfortable, and useless to His kingdom. I want to always be willing to take a step of faith like this no matter where it leads. Even if it's buttshots, weeks of being in bed or hooked to an IV, or just stopping the tasks that I feel are important so that I can let Him lead.

Thank you for letting me share my thoughts with you and thank all of you for being so supportive in so many ways during this time. We have gotten at least 1 card in our mailbox every day this week, and each one has been such a blessing and an encouragement. We are more loved than we could have ever imagined.

Now it's off to our last "push" of the week. Die bacteria, die!

Over the hump.

2009-05-13T22:58:00.002-06:00

Wednesday's done. Man, this is seriously like Groundhog's Day (the movie) in real life only way more painful and insane. It feels like a dream, like this is not real life. I feel like I almost have to get outside of myself in order to get myself to go back to the clinic every day. It just not normal. People don't do this to themselves. Not on purpose.

Let's talk for a second about "The Buttshot." This is not funny, people. Not in the least. Every day. Every single day. And it gets worse every day. It hurts worse every day. It's harder to get myself to go in there every day. Oh my goodness does The Buttshot ever hurt. I think it's gonna be the end of me. We're rotating cheeks too. A new cheek every day. but since i only have two, technically it's just switching off and one day is not enough time to recover. There will be Buttshots in Hell. You don't want to go there. Believe me.

The pushes are getting harder too. I'm pretty sure the medicine is cumulative in our bodies to a certain degree. I stepped back up to the level that almost killed me last week, and I survived tonight. Not easily though. There was A LOT of pain involved. Both Valeen and I were hurting tonight. We were out for about 4.5–5 hours which is becoming the norm. There is a reason that I don't update this blog til late at night. We're not functional again until around now. By "we were out" I mean in bed either shaking and freezing with ridiculous amounts of clothing on or burning up and sweating with fevers that people should never suffer but that we volunteer for daily. But that's not the bad part. The bad part is the pain. As if the shaking and baking were not enough, they are also accompanied by severe bodily pain. It's different for everybody. For me it's my joints. Yeah, I'm used to joint pain—I'm used to a lot of joint pain—but not like this. This is insanity. Pain that I can't describe. Pain that allows no movement but doesn't subside when movement is ceased. Poor Valeen is suffering with it during the pushes too. She gets it in her neck and her back too. One patient at le clinic said it's "full body labor pains." I don't want to have a baby. Ever. But it'll be cake for Valeen after this.

I'm not complaining. Just rambling. Just trying to describe. We were talking today about how there's no way anyone could wrap their mind around this whole thing without being here themselves. It really is nuts. BUT we're confident. Confident in God. Confident that He brought us here. Confident that He is working. Confident that He is working in us right now through this. And man are we ever growing spiritually. God's doing stuff, people. We will not return from here the same as when we left. That is for sure. And I'm not just referring to the disease (God's definitely working on that). God's moving in my heart like never before. I don't know what He's got for us, but we're ready for it. Whatever it is. God is preparing us. We're being pruned. We're being refined. Pray that God would continue to speak clearly and direct our steps. Pray that He would show us what His plan is for us, what He's preparing us for. I'm excited to find out.

Oh and we're getting buttshots. Did I mention the buttshots? Come over here and I'll give you a buttshot. You'll never forget it. I think I might start using "buttshot" as an expletive.

"What the buttshot was that!?" (when the apartment next door explodes)
"Holy buttshot!" (when I read my wife's 103.6°F temperature on the thermometer this evening)

Oh, and one more thing: I'd like to take this opportunity to give a shout out to my little sister in New York whose birthday is tomorrow ... Actually though, it's already past midnight where she lives as I type this so HAPPY BIRTHDAY ELLIE! I hope it's an awesome one. Way to get older. You're so good at that. I'm dedicating my buttshot to you today (right cheek if you must know).

Monday down.

2009-05-11T23:44:00.002-06:00

I guess these posts describing our days here might get kind of repetitive since our days here are very repetitive. I'll save you from having to read about the IVs and pushes again by not writing about them in detail. You're welcome. In summary: Valeen's reaction was worse than mine. She did 103.5°F for a while. Mine was just over 102 for a bit. Lots of pain tonight for both of us. We're exhausted already.

The bigger news of the day is that we retested our blood on the darkfield microscope today. Remember when I told you about that? Both of us could see visual improvement in the number of spirochetes, and the overall amount of infection! Praise God for that! It looks like the treatment is working! Again, Valeen's blood looked clearer than mine, and her red blood cells looked stronger, but we both saw improvement and that was/is a huge answer to prayer. Now we just need to stay the course and let God do His thing.

Another thing we discovered today is that my body has become sensitive to one of the homeopathic medicines that was being given to me in the IV. Not exactly good news, except that it could be the culprit for my symptoms returning this weekend. Hopefully that's the case because now that it's been discovered, we've switched it out for another one, and that might mean that I've lowered the risk for my symptoms returning with a vengeance again like they did this weekend.

Speaking of, I felt pretty crummy overall today, but there was some improvement from Sunday. And if I compare how I feel right now to how I felt this time last night there is definitely some significant improvement. I'm praising God for His mercy and faithfulness in all the small battle wins! Thank you Lord!

Yesterday, we got a fun little card from our good friend, the ever-thoughtful D'arcy. Thanks D! You're the best. We also got a very encouraging and supportive letter from a friend and coworker at CMA that even included some lyme awareness support bracelets (thanks Deb!) and some "lyme green" playdoh (thanks Marvin!). We love getting mail from home. It keeps us feeling connected to our roots! :)

Today, we received a cool little gift in the mail from our friends Bret and Amanda. It's a Banzai tree! Very fun. We're naming him "Spirochete" in honor of all the ones we're killing; he's the only one we intend to keep alive and bring back with us when we come home to Colorado.

Guess that's it for tonight. Thank you so much as always for your continued encouragement, support, and prayers. We've been blessed beyond what we could ask for with a huge network of family and friends who are taking this journey with us. God is good.

How I've been feeling.

2009-05-10T16:01:00.003-06:00

I realized after reviewing the posts on this blog that I've done a pretty good job of describing what the treatments have been like, but I haven't talked much about how I've been feeling.

This is a pretty surprising fact actually considering what the news is (or was). Let me fill you in.

When we got here I was a wreck. Couldn't dress myself. Couldn't sleep. Having a really hard time walking and moving and basically doing anything that I need to do to function. I was wholly reliant on ibuprofen to get me through the day, and even that had stopped really working very well. I couldn't bend my fingers. I could barely walk and struggled to get in and out of chairs, cars, etc. I couldn't lift my arms above my head. I couldn't bear any weight at all on my hands, wrists, or arms. I had lost pretty much all of the muscle mass in my shoulders and chest. I looked (still do) like a 90 year old man with my shirt off. I felt like it too. I was a major mess.

The first week of treatment was a lot of testing and detoxing and blood oxygenation etc. I didn't really start the hardcore treatment of IVs and pushes till the second week. Even so, by the end of the first week I was here, I was astonished that I felt better than I had in months and I wasn't taking any ibuprofen (or any other drugs). I was still feeling all the RA stuff, but it was just less severe. I was finally feeling a little better.

This past week, despite the really hard treatments and reactions, and the pain that those brought, I continued to improve. It was seriously crazy. God was doing something in my body already. By Thursday when we moved, despite being really weak, I was able to help carry some things. I was also able to dress myself again which was a HUGE milestone and encouragement for me. I was finally sleeping again like I haven't been able to sleep since February too. Things were really starting to improve. All the joint pain didn't go away, but I was in remarkably better shape than when I arrived. I'm sorry that I didn't include these things in my daily updates, I guess when you're in the middle of this kind of treatment the severity of the reactions overwhelms all the other stuff no matter how significant.

In any case, you've probably noticed all the past tense I used in the last paragraph. On Friday night, I was feeling really good. I was excited about having the weekend off from treatment and feeling better than I had in a long time .... but it didn't work out that way. I woke up in the middle of the night Friday with incredible pain in my knee. That was the indicator. By Saturday morning pain and stiffness had returned to all my joints, and was threatening another severe flare up. We decided to go ahead and take the drive down to Lake Tahoe nonetheless, and I'm glad we did (that place is incredible), but my condition continued to worsen throughout the day. By the time we made it back home last night, I was right back where I started two weeks ago with full-body pain and swelling. Just all around miserable. I felt as bad as ever.

I went to bed feeling horrible, and relived again all of those countless sleepless painful nights that I was used to before a week ago. This morning was as bad as expected, with Valeen again having to gingerly dress me while trying not to hurt me. Even as I type this my hands are stiff and swollen and painful, my back and neck are horrible (they take the brunt of my not sleeping properly), and my hips are killing me as I sit on this chair despite the pillow I'm sitting on. Getting up from the chair without help is almost impossible because of my knees and hips.

I'm sure I don't have to try to explain how discouraging this is for me. I don't know why I've regressed like this so suddenly. I can't figure it out. All I know is that it really sucks and it's hard to remain optimistic in the face of the pain and disappointment both. Please pray that God would continue to comfort me and give me hope. He is the Healer, and this is all in His time. His ways are not our ways, and though I don't understand it, I'm resting in His promise that He will work all things out for good for those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose.

I'm trying to remain grateful for the relief that God graciously offered me last week, and to look hopefully and expectantly toward a future where that relief gradually becomes permanent, and I can begin to start rebuilding my life and my body with God's help.

Here are a few shots from our outing to beautiful Lake Tahoe yesterday:
(Oh yeah, I shaved my head. It just makes things easier in the middle of all this.)

click to enlarge

Last Wednesday night.

2009-05-10T14:28:00.004-06:00

I know that I've gotten a little behind with this blog. Sorry about that. A lot has been going on lately. I'm planning on catching everything up now. We'll see how far I get.

Last Wednesday night was crazy. It was our last night in the apartment complex where we had been staying for the first 11 nights of our time here in Reno. We were planning on moving all of our stuff over to the new condo where we're staying for the rest of the time on Thursday. You'll notice if you look closely at this blog that Wednesday night was the night that I decided to stay up late and write that really long post where I talked about Hell. I didn't finish writing it and get it posted until 12:15 am. By the time I got myself in bed, it was already after 12:30 in the morning.

That is significant, cause shortly after 1:00 am, we were very suddenly woken from our sleep by a huge explosion. No joke. Actually, a couple consecutive huge explosions. It was loud. Valeen and I were out of bed in half a second staring at each other from across the bed in the dark both very confused and very much awake from the adrenaline asking, "What the heck was that?" We could hear screaming and yelling outside immediately after the blast. It was so surreal. The combination of panic and confusion and adrenaline pumping through my body at that instant was something I had never experienced before, and something I won't forget. I can still get the feeling if I put myself back there mentally. My initial reaction in that instant was to to think that we had gotten bombed. That's exactly what it sounded and felt like. I know it doesn't make a whole lot of sense now, out of context, but Valeen too has said that's what she initially thought.

It only took us about two seconds from the blast till we were running out our bedroom door grabbing clothing and getting my parents up from their air mattress in the living room (Yes, they somehow slept through the blasts. Crazy.) As soon as they saw our panic they were up and moving quickly too. Dad ran to the window to look through the blinds (something we had not yet done in the previous 10 seconds), and his report was simply, "Big flames!" (He didn't have his contacts in, but that's all we needed to hear.)

Within 30–45 seconds of the blast, all four of us were dressed, grabbing out wallets and purses, and out the apartment door. It took a few minutes once we were outside to clear our heads and truly assess the situation, but what we found was the neighboring apartment building which housed four units was completely engulfed in flames. All four units were burning. Smoke and flames were pouring out of the windows and the sliding glass doors. The firefighters were not yet on scene, but they showed up within about 5 minutes of the time that we got out there. Dad and I estimated that the building was only about 50 yards outside Valeen and I's bedroom window. No wonder the blast was so loud. We found out later that the lady in the unit closest to us was old and used oxygen, and that it was her tanks that had exploded.

As soon as the firefighters got there, I set up camp to watch (I've wanted to be a firefighter ever since I was a little kid, but God had other ideas). They were very efficient, and first cleared the apartments, then busted out the windows with their axes, and quickly put out the flames that were visible to us. It was about that time that I first thought that maybe I should be taking some pictures, so I went back to get the camera. That's why I unfortunately never got any photos of the thing fully engulfed. I did decide to take some video of the firefighters going up on the roof to cut a vent, and that turned out to be a bigger show than I expected.

Take a look at my video below. The bottom right-hand unit is the one where the old lady with the oxygen lived. Keep your eye on the firefighters on the roof as they successfully cut a vent. Pretty cool.

This second video is from when we walked around to the other side where all the trucks were parked. We didn't have a very good view, but they were still working on the roof.

I'm happy to report that we found out later that although they brought a few folks to the hospital, a broken arm was the most serious injury. We stayed out there watching the firefighters for over an hour. They did and awesome job, and I still think I'd love to do that (in another life I guess). Maybe after God heals me I can volunteer or something. Who knows? First I have to be able to put on my own shirt.

Needless to say, we were really tired Thursday morning. Everything in our apartment smelled like smoke as we packed up to move. We probably looked pretty funny moving out the next morning as if we had been scared out by the happenings of the previous night, but oh well. It made us very happy to be moving to the quiet little condo where we are now.

Here are a few of the photos from the fire and the aftermath. Sorry about the quality, the lighting was ... well ... difficult. Click on any of the images for a closer look.

Kind of lame tonight.

2009-05-07T23:35:00.003-06:00

Sorry guys, but I'm not up for much updating tonight.

The treatment story is pretty much the same as every day before, except that this time Valeen's reaction wasn't very bad and mine was normally hard.

We did have a very eventful and crazy night last night that I will fill you in on this weekend when I get a chance.

In the meantime, we have an early morning tomorrow and get our shots and pushes much earlier in the day than usual because it's Friday. I'm not yet recovered from tonight, so I'm gonna try to hurry up and sleep so I can get up and do it all again in a few hours.

Please pray for our stamina on friday as all this is really taking a physical and emotion toll. God'll get us through.

The low down and some thoughts.

2009-05-07T00:15:00.002-06:00

Before I start about today, let me fill you in really quickly on what went down overnight after I had written the previous post. Obviously the thing was really bad. Miserable actually. Not cool at all. By the time we finally went to bed officially for the evening (we had been in bed pretty much all afternoon/evening), we were still not feeling well at all. Our heads felt loopy and our bodies were exhausted and aching and shaky. Just all around crappiness like we had just been through hell and back (more on this later in the post). But, I thought I was pretty much done with reacting for the night. Not so. I woke up shortly after midnight, and subsequently woke Valeen up, soaking wet. No. You don't understand. I mean it. I was drenched. It freaked me out too, cause my mind was all messed up and groggy, and I couldn't figure out what was going on. I'm not sure I was fully conscious. I'm not sure exactly what my body was doing, but I think it had a bunch of toxins to get rid of so it just straight up dumped them out my pores. It felt and looked like I had wet the bed ... times ten. I guess I kind of did, but not in that way.

Anyway, I was too disgusted and tired and loopy to know what to do in the middle of the night, so Valeen graciously offered to let me move over to her side of the bad with her so I wouldn't have to lay in the puddle. The crappy part is that it happened again. Twice. I woke up three different times completely soaked. So nasty. The last time we literally went to the bathroom and got a bath towel to dry me off because my back and chest was dripping like I'd just gotten out of the shower. Anyway, sorry about all the detail but it was really weird. An experience I've never had before (as if I've ever done any of this). I guess that's what I get for boiling my insides at 104.3° ...

Our reactions were much less severe tonight. Thank you God. In fact, mine may have been too mild (if there is such a thing). It's a hard balance to find. You don't want it to be too severe, 'cause then you're just in agony for hours (like yesterday) and still trying to recover the next day by the time it's time to start again. We also don't want it to be too mild either, because we want the reaction to have the maximum effectiveness. If you're gonna do it, you might as well do it well.

It's a little bit of a trial and error thing with the dosage, and it's based on the feedback forms that we fill out each morning when we go in to the clinic. Monday I took the base dosage and then jumped up three steps for Tuesday's push (the horrible one). So today I stepped back down two steps so that it was more than Monday, but less than Tuesday, and as I noted, I probably could have taken a little more. I'm planning on stepping up one more level tomorrow (which will still be one step less than the awful day).

To further complicate matters, everybody responds differently, and your body begins to respond differently over time too. For instance, it's very possible that I will quickly be able to build back up to the dose that I had on Tuesday, and yet the reaction won't be as severe as it was that initial time. It's a constant guessing game, and you never know what's gonna happen from one day to the next. We're just trusting that God is in control. He's got this all worked out.

Valeen's push was a little more difficult for her tonight than mine was for me. We both had the severe shakes and freezing action for the first 30 minutes once things got underway. We've been sporting our thermal underclothes that we got at REI for just this purpose, plus outer clothes over those and beanies and gloves. Then we climb under a stack of blankets and huddle up and wait to freeze our faces off.

Honestly, it feels like you're freezing. Our teeth are chattering and your body shakes from the inside out as it tries to warm up. It's a very strange feeling to go from feeling perfectly normal to that in literally a matter of two minutes. It's very difficult to not completely tense up your whole body during that phase. And unfortunately a lot of the pain comes along with the shakes too. For me it's my joints, and a splitting headache. For Valeen, it's pain in her neck and back, some of her joints, and a headache as well. I think the headache comes from tensing up so much, because today I tried really hard to relax more during the shaking, and the headache wasn't nearly as severe. Not sure if that was my doing, God's grace, a lower dose, or a combination of those things.

After the shakes are over the fever sets in. Again, it's really strange to go from freezing your butt off to boiling in a matter of minutes. It's at this point that we start shedding the layers and blankets (very gingerly with painful joints and heads). Today, my fever only got up a little over 101°F and was much more tolerable. Valeen still got up over 102°F and had a tougher and longer time recovering. Like they told us, everyone is different. It's really hard to predict what is going to happen.

So, that's the detailed update about what happened today. Probably more details then you wanted, so sorry about that, but I just got going. I know this is already pretty long, but I also wanted to share with you some thoughts that have been banging around in my brain ever since the wicked reaction on Tuesday. Bear with me if you will.

—————————————

"I'm laying here and my body is burning. I've never been this hot in my life. It feels like my blood is boiling in by veins but my body can't even tell because the rest of me is just as hot. I can feel the heat radiating off of my skin but it doesn't cool me down at all. My brain is so hot I can't even think. I close my eyes and all I see is red. This is miserable. I'm too hot to see. I can't move cause it burns my skin. Everything is burning. I feel like my soul is burning."

I haven't been able to shake that thought since it rang through my brain. I have to be honest, I've never been in that kind of agony, that kind of pain before. It was (at least right then) completely and totally intolerable and miserable and unquenchable. It freaked me out. And I'm not saying all this to freak you out exactly, but you have to understand where I'm coming from.

How many of you would do that voluntarily? I know I wouldn't. (I don't plan to let it get that bad again.) Nobody in their right mind would. But the thought that I can't shake is that so many people are letting that become their soul's ultimate destination. You know what I'm talking about: Hell.

Hell will be horrible. Terrible. Unquenchable.

And you know what? What I experienced yesterday can't even come close to touching the agony that is Hell. It is a place of eternal torment. It will never end. Ever. And there is no way out once you're there. I've never been a big fan of the "fire and brimstone" style of evangelism, but I gotta just say, what the heck are we Christians doing? Hell is a freaking terrifying absolutely horrible concept. Why are we not saving people from it? People are making choices every single day that are taking them down paths that are leading to that eternal agony. It's an awful thought. Excuse the pun, but that should fire us up.

Listen to me: this is not something to mess around with. Please. This is not the proper forum for a discussion on what Hell is or what it will be like, but we know this: We cannot even begin to imagine the horrors and torture that it will be for those who end up there. And it will never end. Eternity.

If you don't know for certain, today where your eternal destination is if you should die, please, please, please start thinking about it and find out how to know for sure. This is not something to mess around with. I'm telling you right now, I would not wish one minute of what I suffered yesterday on anyone, and yet there are people who are reading this blog right now who are headed for far worse suffering for eternity.

Please let me know if I can help you to figure out where you're headed. This is not a game. It is so real. And it's not far off in the future. It's now. There isn't a later when it come to this. It could not be more urgent.

—————————————

Ok, I'm out of the pulpit now. Thanks for hanging with me. I'm serious though. Please let me or someone know if you're not sure. And for all you Christians reading this, please check yourself and your lives and your personal witness to see if it reflects the truth of what you claim to believe. (Guess I'm not out of the pulpit yet.)

See you next update. :)

Today was too much.

2009-05-05T23:26:00.002-06:00

Today's push darn near killed me. Seriously, it was too much. Actually, Valeen and I both had a really rough time. Even now, 7 hours after the shot, I'm still not feeling right.

The shakes were really bad this time for both of us, but it was the fevers that did us in. Valeen's temperature got up to 103.4°F and mine hovered at 104.3°F for well over an hour. It took a really long time for the fevers to start coming down, and like I said, we're still not feeling back to normal.

I'm sorry for the brief update, but I'm not feeling well and we're super exhausted. It's next to impossible for me to wrap my mind around going back in the morning to do it all again, but we have no choice. We're definitely telling them to back off on the push level though. Neither of us can take that again.

I have some thoughts I'd like to share about the experience today, but they'll have to wait till tomorrow. I'll try to do an update in the morning. For now I'm just trying to get over today.

Mailing Address

2009-05-05T10:11:00.001-06:00

Many folks have asked for our mailing address for while we're here in Reno. We will be moving on Thursday into the place that we should be staying for the rest of our treatment. Here is the address:

6850 Sharlands Ave. Unit #1075
Reno, NV 89523

We survived.

2009-05-04T23:32:00.002-06:00

Well, we've completed the initial day of what will become our standard daily treatment for the next few weeks.

We started this morning with our IV treatments around 9:30. We were out of the clinic for lunch by 12:30. Sitting there for those few hours was fairly uncomfortable for me because of my hip, knee, and ankle joints.

After lunch we met with the doctor to talk in detail with him about Valeen's treatment plan. Nothing is set in stone yet, but we're hoping and praying that Valeen will only need two weeks worth of treatment.

After we met with the doc, we once again got shot in the arm and the butt (I think it hurts worse every time), and then headed back to the IV room to get our pushes. the push is just a shot that is injected directly into our IVs in our arms. It's crazy what that one little shot can do to a body.

We got home within 15-20 minutes of getting the pushes, and prepared for the reactions. Both of our reactions started almost exactly 45 minutes after the shots. Both of us began by getting chilled and having pretty extreme shakes. We had to be a pretty funny sight all bundled up with our winter hats on in that bed with a stack of blankets on top of us shaking and shivering and moaning like crazy. It was much more extreme than I expected, really took over the whole body. The shakes were uncontrollable, and I really felt freezing despite all the clothes and blankets. Pretty miserable to be honest. Valeen's shakes were accompanied by pretty severe joint pain, and mine came with a pounding headache that had my brain splitting out of my skull. The shaking phase wore off for both of us about 30-35 minutes after it started (felt like hours), and then the fevers set in.

Valeen's temperature got up to 101.0, and mine measured as high as 101.9. My joints were pretty flared up throughout the whole ordeal, but I'm used to that. By 8:00 (3.25 hours after the push) Valeen was feeling pretty OK, and her fever had begun to come back down. By 8:30 I was starting to feel better as well.

As I sit here and type two hours later, I feel mostly back to normal. In fact, I feel pretty good I think. I'll give some of the credit to Mom's delicious chicken and brown rice soup, and Dad's peanut butter and chocolate homemade ice cream (made with agave nectar and no sugar). It really pays to have my parents here!

One encouraging thing of note is that I noticed about an hour ago that I can make a fist with my right hand! That may not seem like a big deal, but just know that I haven't been able to do that in weeks; my hand and fingers have been much too swollen to allow for it. How incredible to feel some improvement without ibuprofen or other medications! Praise God for this little glimpse of relief! I can't begin to explain the encouragement that development is for me mentally.

I know that God's got this all under control, and that it's all in His timing, but I can't wait to see what He has next. Please keep praying that I keep improving ... God is awesome.

Trying to surrender.

2009-05-04T08:53:00.004-06:00

"I can tell you that it takes great strength to surrender. You have to know that you are not going to collapse. Instead, you are going to open to a power that you don't even know [God], and [He] is going to come to meet you. In the process of healing, this is one of the huge things that I have discovered. People recognized the energy [God] coming to meet them. When they opened to [Him], a love, a divine love, came through to meet them. That is what is known as grace. We all sing about amazing grace. It is a gift.

I think that it comes through the work that we do. For some people, it can come out of the blue, but I know that in my own situation, the grace came through incredible vigilance."

—Marion Woodman

In anticipation of tomorrow.

2009-05-03T18:39:00.002-06:00

Tomorrow the treatment sets in for real. I've got to be honest, I'm a bit apprehensive, but I'm still looking to God to get me through. As I was reading the Bible this morning, God reminded me of his faithfulness through the writing of Paul in Romans chapter 15, verse 13:

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

So there you have it. I'm hoping in Him.

Valeen's dad purchased for us yesterday a memory foam mattress topper, and we put that on our bed. Last night was the first night that I actually got a decent amount of sleep. I woke up a few times, and my whole body was (still is) hurting like crazy when I got up, but man it felt good to not be up all night. Thank you for that gift, Pete. It'll make all the difference to be sure.

Thank you all so much for your prayers and support. I can't begin to explain the blessing it is to know that you are praying for us, and thinking about us, and following along with us on this journey. We can't wait till we can celebrate with you when He Heals!

One week down.

2009-05-01T21:56:00.002-06:00

So, we made it through the first week.

For me, the end of the week turned out to be relatively easy, but unfortunately this'll be the last time I can say that. From here on out we both have an IV, two shots, and the push (followed by a reaction) 5 days a week.

Valeen had her first push today. They start you with a low dose so you can get used to it and work up to it. It was still pretty tough though. About 45 minutes after the push the reaction set in. It started with pretty severe back and neck pain that was closely followed by a fever, chills, and shakes. Fortunately the shakes only lasted about 20 minutes, and the fever only got up to 101.4. About an hour after the reaction started, it was mostly bearable again. The only residual effect (as of now) is some knee weakness and pain, and extreme fatigue. From my perspective, she took it like a champ.

Every night they give you a sheet to fill out where you detail how your reaction was, and whether or not they should increase the dosage for the next day's shot. The intent is to be able to take the highest dose you can stand so as to suffer the strongest reaction so as to kill the most bacteria. Not a fun plan, but our task at hand nonetheless.

I'm happy to report that I haven't taken any ibuprofen for 3 days. So far I'm doing OK. Still having a ton of trouble sleeping. Most of it is due to pain (especially in my shoulders, hips, and hands), but it's not helped at all by the fact that the bed here is really bad, and it really hurts my back. I definitely need to get some sleep so my body can rest and heal, but I haven't really figured that part out yet.

We're looking forward to a restful weekend before we start the intense week of treatments next week. Thank you all so much for your prayers and support.

Day four.

2009-04-30T22:32:00.002-06:00

By all estimations it looks like today will have been our easiest day out of the whole time we are here. I'm thankful for the break, but I know it's just the calm before the storm.

Tomorrow Valeen begins "the push" which is the main tenant of the treatment protocol here, and is also the one that brings out the severe reactions. We've been told to expect an extremely high fever and chills with severe shakes and all the other stuff that generally go along with flu-like symptoms (nausea, diarrhea, aches, pains, and exasperation of whatever symptoms your disease causes in you). Apparently the reaction will begin anywhere from 30-45 minutes after the push is given (medication directly in your IV line), and lasts for many hours. Your body responds this way because of the war that is happening inside. The medication is derived from some deep sea plant's mitochondria, and is extremely effective in killing off the little spirochete guys. The staff here has "affectionately" named the reaction "the shake 'n' bake" because of the shaking and the fever.

Basically from here on out our daily treatment will look like this: Detox IV (with custom-built homeopathic medications) in the morning for 3-4 hours, and then a break for lunch. In the afternoon we go back and get our arm shot, butt shot, and the push, and then hurry up and get home before the shake 'n' bake reaction sets in. We'll do this every week day for as long as it takes to kill the nasty little guys.

Tomorrow I'm having my second ozone treatment like I had on Wednesday, so I will start my push routine on Monday. We're both nervous about the push, so please pray that we can take it, and that God gives us the courage, strength, stamina, and positive attitude that we need.

The good news of the day is that my parents arrived safely (after driving 15.5 hours straight) from Colorado today, and will be staying with us from here on out to help us out. That is a huge blessing because we'll probably be unable to do much for ourselves while we're both "shaking 'n' baking."

I guess that's it for today. I think this has been the longest week of my life already!

Good News/Bad News

2009-04-29T22:44:00.003-06:00

Good News: We’re done with another day of treatment.
Bad News: I’m having trouble sleeping and my hand is swelled up like a marshmallow. I'm dictating this to Valeen so she can type.) The rest of my body's in a lot of pain too.
Good News: I didn’t take ibuprofen yesterday or today.
Bad News: I can really tell.
Good News: As I mentioned yesterday, I now know what I’m trying to fight, Lyme Bacteria.
Bad News: One of the ways Lyme can be transmitted is sexually.
Good News: It looks like Valeen’s going to be staying here longer with me rather than going home.
Bad News: She has spirochetes too and began her first day of treatment today.

We found out this completely unexpected news yesterday when Valeen took the dark field microscope test too. We could see the spirochetes swimming in her blood and the eggs in her red blood cells. Fortunately Valeen has very strong genetics and a strong immune system so she hasn’t suffered any obvious symptoms from the infection, but she still has to get treated nonetheless. We really feel that God revealed this to us for a reason. Even though this feels like bad news we feel that it’s an answer to so many prayers. The reality is that if we had never tested Valeen’s blood she could have very easily re-infected me when I came back from the treatment. God is so amazing in how He unexpectedly provides answers. Valeen began treatment today and her day looked pretty much identical to my day one including the butt shot. (I think she took it better than I did.)

Today I did the ozone treatment that I described yesterday. It was interesting and relatively painless. Supposedly it’s really helping boost my immune system though right now I don’t feel any better. We’re still trying to process this new turn of events and would appreciate your prayers for strength for both of us but especially Valeen who wasn’t expecting to go through any treatment at all. We'd also really appreciate your prayers for our financial situation as this will obviously add a whole new financial burden that we weren't expecting. God isn't surprised though, and He's still faithful!

Stoked about some answers!

2009-04-28T22:45:00.001-06:00

I thought that yesterday held a lot of information ... today had even more!

I started the day today at the clinic with my second round of the detoxification IV. This one lasted an hour, and wasn't bad at all. I just had to sit there, and all it did was make my arm cold (these are the easy IVs). When I was through with that, they put the homeopathic for arthritis in my line. Like I said, it's supposed to combat the pain and inflammation. I don't know for certain, but it might be working because I had a much better day today (pain-wise) than yesterday. For all of you who prayed about my hip: THANK YOU! It felt much better today than yesterday. It still hurts some today, but yesterday it almost killed me. Oh, and I'm ibuprofen-free today! I can't remember the last time i could say that (it's been at least a month to be sure).

After I was done with the IV, I was instructed all about some of the other tests that I have to "take" including urine, stool, saliva, etc. They're definitely checking me out thoroughly top to bottom.

The meat and potatoes of the day came next. We met with Dr. Katrina and did the darkfield microscope session to look at my blood. Basically, she pricked my finger and put a drop of blood directly on a slide and covered it with a cover slip. Then she slapped it on the microscope and we took a look at 10X magnification to see what was going on. We watched on the big screen TV which was showing what the microscope sees. We could see red blood cells, white blood cells, and some plasma. The first thing of note was that I have a higher ratio of white blood cells to red blood cells than "normal" indicating my immune system's attempt to fight the infection in my blood. Then we zoomed in to 50X magnification and the picture became much clearer: tons and tons of little spirochete bacterium are swimming around my blood cells and laying eggs in the red blood cells! They are everywhere. What are spirochete bacterium you ask? Lyme disease. It was clear that I have a pretty major lyme infestation going on. When we zoomed in again to 100X magnification we could see that a large percentage of my red blood cells were already filled with spirochete spores (they lay their eggs in the cells where there is plenty of nutritious stuff to munch on). There were also tons of the guys swimming and wriggling around outside the cells too.

Basically the idea is that this bacteria in my blood is what is causing my problems. Lyme can mimic hundreds of other diseases and is incredibly difficult to kill. This, by the way, is a relatively new field (as far as medicine goes), so not all docs agree with what lyme is and what it does. And even fewer agree with the treatment that I'm about to undergo (despite the amazing success rate).

So ... Bad news: I have lyme's disease. Good news: There is now something to treat, and hope of being well again! And I'm at the best place in the U.S. for treating lyme. It is their "specialty" as it were.

My day ended with another round of the "Butt shot" (holy ouch) and another arm shot. We did confirm today that the butt shot is a homeopathic solution containing very unstable oxygen molecules that go directly to my red blood cells and attach themselves, thus creating an environment in which the spirochete spores cannot live. Essentially it's an "oxygen bomb" that blows up all those nasty little lyme babies.

Tomorrow I will have an interesting treatment where they take about 12 fluid oz of my blood out of my body and mix it with ozone, and then put it back in. This is all done through an IV, and takes about 3 hours. The purpose of this procedure is to basically "jump start" my immune system into higher functionality. It serves to retrain my white blood cells to do their job properly and more efficiently (obviously they're not keeping up with the spirochetes right now). Thankfully, I don't have to get a butt shot or arm shot tomorrow! Sweet.

We really feel that despite the "grim prognosis" that lyme traditionally is in the conventional medical world, this is a huge answer to prayer for us. God led us here for a reason, and we're resting in the fact that He's got this all in His capable hands. It's exciting to go from "a disease of unknown origin" to actually having something to see and measure and fight! The battle's on, baby, and I ain't about to be beat by some nasty little squiggly guys in my blood! (It is very possible that there are also some other coinfections and various other things going on inside of me, but all the test results are not yet back for that.)

Day one ...

2009-04-27T21:06:00.002-06:00

—————————First of all, thank you. I've never seen or felt the kind of support that I am getting from all of you. It's incredible, and I truly believe it's God's wink to me to get my chin up and plow ahead. When I got home from the clinic a couple hours ago, I checked my email to find no less than 20 different notes of encouragement from people literally all over the country. You have no idea how much I needed that right then (more to come).
—————————

Today was information overload day. I'll do my best to recount some of what I learned, but there's no way that my mind could retain all that was fed it today. I have no doubt that over the weeks to come, I will begin to understand all of this more thoroughly.

My day began at 8:00 with a blood draw, the likes of which I've never seen before. After the lady was done pillaging my veins for 3 gallons of blood (I felt like she owed me $20 or something; don't college kids sell their plasma for pizza and beer money?), I took a break to eat breakfast (I had been fasting for the blood draw for the previous 12 hours).

Step two was an incredibly thorough test called an Electro Dermal Screening (EDS). Basically, as far as I understood it, I held a dampened metal conductor in one hand, and then the doc touched various points on my hands and feet with another electrical devise, and the computer measured the resistance in between. The points used are based on traditional acupuncture meridians in the body, and each one represents a different part or system of the body. Based on the data gathered and fancy collation that the computer does, a report is generated that outlines the basic current status of each different system in my body, especially as it pertains to allergic-type reactions (namely, inflammation). The color-coded report includes horizontal bars for each system tested that represent their status. Green is balanced, red is stressed, and yellow is weakened (even worse). My report had 58 categories, and only two of them were in the greed area, and both of those were in the highest range of green possible. fortunately I didn't have any yellows, but some of my reds were pretty high. The three highest (most stressed) categories were liver (thanks medications), kidneys (again, meds probably), and joints (go figure). Those categories were then analyzed by the computer, and it gave an overall general picture of my issues: chronic inflammation and stress on my locomotive system (joints and connective tissues) most likely caused by an immune system issue. Hmmm ... great, thanks. I could have told you that two and a half hours ago. the good news is, I guess, that the testing confirmed what I already know which, for me anyway, was a credibility builder for these guys right off the bat.

OK, that was a really long paragraph.

Next on the itinerary for the day was the biggie: the consult with the doctor. Because we covered so much ground, I won't be able to go into as much detail here (and you wouldn't want to be bored by it, believe me). But I will say that Dr. Fong was reassuring, patient, more than willing to explain everything and answer all our questions, and lest you think he's some strange hippie-weirdo-natural-whack job, very scientific about everything. I'm confident that this isn't just a guessing game they're doing here, their methods are tested and success has been proven over and over. We spent at least two hours with the doc going over everything.

After that, we went to go get lunch so that I would have something in my stomach for the first IV treatment. I hadn't taken my usual dose of Ibuprofen in the morning so by this time I was definitely hurting but I'm use to that and it was manageable. When we got back to the clinic I had my first IV treatment in the IV room. I was told that this one was short—only about 45 minutes. It was a homeopathic detox solution who's main job is to start cleaning out my liver. The IV was easy, all I had to do was sit there, although I was pretty uncomfortable at this point because of my joints and not being able to move my arm.

The last thing that we had to do for today was a little suckier. It included two shots, One in the arm and one they've fondly named "the butt shot". Before they gave me those shots though, Valeen remembered that Dr. Fong had said something about giving me a homeopathic solution that is supposed to help with pain and inflammation of arthritis. So they had to shoot that directly into my vein. The shot in the arm works to help me shed any environmental toxins that I have stored up in my body, and it didn't hurt very much. The butt shot, on the other hand, hurt like crazy and I can't remember what it's for right now. Both of these shots I will be getting daily.

That was the end of my treatment at the clinic for the day, but it's where things began to go downhill for me. As we were walking out of the clinic I noticed that my right hip joint was really starting to hurt badly, even more than usual. It didn't take long for the pain to get completely out of control. I think that it's the worst pain that I've ever had in my life. By the time we got back to the apartment I was in agony and barely made from it the car inside. I'm really disappointed that I had to take more ibuprofen, but it just got to be too much. So far the ibuprofen has only helped slightly. I'm not sure what caused my hip to flair up like this, I don't really think that it was the treatments. It feels more like I injured it somehow today. After I hobbled in and realized I couldn't even lay on the bed due to the pain I got really frustrated and discouraged. Shortly after that I looked at my email and saw all of those emails of encouragement. My hip is still screaming at me but God used your words to encourage me to keep moving forward.

This is going to be a long process and I haven't even started the hard part yet. I'm just going to have to take it one day at a time and ask God to sustain me for that day.

Clinic Eve

2009-04-27T00:04:00.003-06:00

Well, we're here. I'm sitting in the apartment that I will call home for the next 11 nights until the place I really wanted to stay opens up and I move in there. This place isn't bad. Cept for the fact that I'm plugged into a modem thingy with a 4 foot cable ... how 5 years ago. Even the podunk little gas station that we stopped at in Lovelost, NV had WiFi (so I took the opportunity to update my fb status while we filled up.

Last night in Salt Lake ... I couldn't sleep. I think the effects of the car ride were wreaking havoc on me, cause my body was screaming. And today hasn't been much better. My awesome wife navigated the whole 7.5 hour drive beautifully, while I squirmed around in passenger seat trying in vein to find a position that didn't hurt.

Let me just be up front with you right here, and tell you that I'm not a pain guy. I hate pain, and I don't tolerate it very well either. That's the whole irony of this thing. I can't imagine anything much more painful than what I've got going in every single joint in my body right now, and yet, I'm doing it. It's incredible what you can endure when there's no choice.

I'm pretty drained emotionally too. I'm not even sure how to feel about tomorrow. I'm definitely nervous ... but not scared (I don't think). You know that feeling you get a few days before Christmas where the date is marching toward you steadily and although you are not focusing your mind squarely on the event itself, the reality of it's unstoppable advance and impending arrival is nonetheless ever-present and simmering somewhere in the back of your consciousness? It's kind of like that. Only without the childlike anticipation that is a result of knowing, at least partially, what the event holds in it for me. I really have no idea what to expect.

I'm going to try to sleep now ... 8 am is not far off. I'll be talking to God, but I'm sure He's got an ear for you too if you wouldn't mind asking him to knock me out for a few hours. :)

And so the journey begins...

2009-04-25T23:15:00.001-06:00

We've made it to Salt Lake City, Utah. The weather delayed us pretty much from Laramie, WY on. We drove slowly in thick pea soup fog for well over an hour, and also encountered driving snow, annoying sleet, and pounding rain.

It was great to spend the day with my wife just hanging out in the car together. It's nice to be married to your best friend! We passed some of the hours by listening to an audiobook on our iPod, The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis. I had read it before, but enjoyed it just as much this time as the first. Highly recommended.

My joints disagreed loudly with the ergonomics and confines of the seat for most of the day (especially my hips), but my trusty and overused companion, ibuprofen, took the edge off for a couple hours so i could help with the driving. I'm not looking forward to dealing with that for 7 more hours tomorrow, but such is life right now.

Tomorrow's drive will be slightly shorter, and should have us in Reno by the afternoon, God willing.

Initial update.

2009-04-23T13:21:00.001-06:00

Hello friends and family,

Not to be all egocentric and everything, but this here is your update all about me and what's going down in my world. If interested, please proceed.

Most, if not all of you, know about my struggle with rheumatoid arthritis, and the steps that Valeen and I have taken over the last few months to fight the disease the unconventional way (without traditional medications). We've tried lots of things and found varying levels of success (depending on how you define it), but to sum up a long complex story, my condition has been continually declining. The last two months have been an incredible test for me physically, and for us emotionally and spiritually.

BUT, God is working. He is moving. This has been the epitome of trial by fire for me, but I'm being refined and pruned and stretched and all of the other not-so-fun stuff that God sometimes allows us to go through. I may not have improved physically, but spiritually I'm growing by the boat-load, and there ain't nothing God likes more than that. High-five, God!

Despite the spiritual growth though, the physical ailments remain, and must be dealt with. Rheumatoid arthritis is a punk. I'll tell you that right now. So we're pulling out all the stops and going for the big guns. TRANSLATION: Through a lot of prayer and research, we've decided to pursue an aggressive treatment program offered by Sierra Integrative Medical Center (SIMC) in Reno, NV.

I'll spare you all the technical treatment details, but for those of you who are interested, please look through SIMC's website. There's tons of juicy stuff there.

For the rest of you, here's the meat 'n' potatoes: I'm going to Reno for treatment. We're leaving this coming Saturday, April 25, and my initial appointment at the clinic is Monday morning. Don't know for sure yet, but the treatment will most likely last 4–6 weeks (yes I have to stay there the whole time). If God chooses to use this treatment for my healing, I should come back either healed, or on my way. Of course nothing is guaranteed, but we are trusting God's leading to go there, and are resting in the fact that He is in control.

I won't know all of the specifics until I get there, but we do know that the treatment will be intense and very expensive (not to mention our costs for lodging and food etc.). Unfortunately, medical insurance does not cover this type of thing, so Valeen and I will be footing the bill. Let me take this opportunity though, to acknowledge that despite the fact that there's no way we can afford this on our own, God has already shown Himself faithful through the generosity of friend and family around us (You guys know who you are. Thank you SO much; we literally couldn't even attempt this without you). He is the provider, and even though we don't have it all figured out, we're trusting in His provision. He is faithful.

Because of the condition that I'm already in physically, and the toll that I'm expecting this treatment to take on my body, I will be needing help while I'm there. I'm thankful that Valeen will be able to be there with me for the first week, but because she needs to return to work, my parents have graciously offered to come help me out for as long as I need. Thank you, M&D. I love you.

So, that's the plan. Consider yourself updated. I covet your prayers as I embark on this adventure. If you think of it, please pray for my perseverance through the pain, for Valeen and I both as we spend this critical time apart, for knowledge and wisdom for the doctors attending to me, for God's provision financially and logistically, and most of all for God's healing power to be demonstrated in my life. All the glory goes to Him.

If you'd like to follow my progress on this journey, I've set up a tiny little blog page just for you. Bookmark it, or add it to your blogroll or subscription list in your reader, or whatever other fancy internet stuff you do, and you'll never miss a beat. I plan to update as regularly as possible along the way.

Thank you so much to those of you who have been supporting us through all of this. Your prayers on my behalf are invaluable.

In anticipation of what He will do,

Chris (and Valeen) Tschamler